name dilema

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
name dilema
10
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 12:29pm
Hi, my name is Lisa and I am new to the boards. My husband and I just found out yesterday that we were having a boy, our third child. We have a boy and a girl already. When I was pregnant with my first son, my husband really wanted him to have my husband's first name, and a different middle name (ex. my husband wanted him to be named Terry after him, as he is named after his dad, and they both have different middle names). I really didn't like that idea, I really like everyone having their own name. I loved the name Ryan and my hubby liked it too, and we named my first son Ryan. Now that I am pregnant with another boy, my husband would really like to name this boy Terry. I still don't like it, but it is really important to him. I am worried now that when my first son gets older, if we name our second son after his father, that he will be hurt by this. I hope this isn't too confusing! I welcome all opinions, as I am really stuck on what the right thing to do here is! Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: lisa_mom3
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 1:02pm
I think if you were going to do it, it should have happened with your first son. Perhaps think about giving this son Terry or your dh's mn as the mn?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: lisa_mom3
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 1:25pm
I'm with you - I think all children should have their own first name. I love passing down family names as middle names, though. Would your husband go for that?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
In reply to: lisa_mom3
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 1:55pm

While it's kind of backwards I doubt it will scar your kids for life unless someone else makes a big deal out of it, which I would hope no one would.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lisa_mom3
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 2:27pm
my brother has 7 sons and a daughter-not sure why but with son 1 who is the oldest they named logan philip-logan after an old guy my brother used to buy antique toys from in dc and philip after my 6th brother who was dropped on his head in the newborn nursery (1964) and died.then came son 2 and they named him with my brothers first name 'reginald'and my moms maiden name 'pegg' and called him 'reggie-pegg'.my brothers middle name is william. his first name was after my grandfather but gf'smn was 'william'. so what am i getting at-not sure really but i guess just by using one name they still sort of have their own name maybe. if we had had a boy we would have used dh's first as the boys mn-mostly because i think the naming after the dad can be so confusing and i don't care for dh'smn. oh right so how willds 1 feel if ds 2 gets the 'name'...my nephews strange as this sounds....nephew 1 looks nothing like my brother-not in how he talks or acts or looks-more like his mom....and a musician.nephew 2 is the spitting image of my brother-very strange. and is more focused etc like my brother-clean cut...preppy-it's funny where logan has long hair and plays the guitar in a band. they are like night and day.janet
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
In reply to: lisa_mom3
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 2:39pm
hello!! i wouldnt think your oldest son would feel slighted at all-i know a woman at work that had 3 boys-and the youngest is named after his father and theres never been issues... instead of naming him terry though, maybe name him terence or theodore-then he would also have his own name and it would still be after his daddy too...good luck!!
joanne
maman2goons@aol.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: lisa_mom3
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 3:34pm

My dh's name has been passed down for generations and I kind of like the tradition.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
In reply to: lisa_mom3
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 6:01pm

Does Ryan have a family name as a middle name? If so, I don't think using Terry for the 2nd son would be a problem at all. But if you didn't use any family names for the other kids, I would not be in favor of doing it for the 3rd. I always felt jealous that my little sister's mn was after a family member and neither of my names were. It wasn't a huge deal, but I wished that I had a family name. Just my opinion, though!

What would your DH like to call this son if you do name him Terry? Would you choose a middle name that you both love and then call him by his mn? That would be the best option to me. I am not a fan of dad and son going by the same name (even if their given names are the same). For example, I know two father and sons who are William David. Both dads go by Bill or William and both sons go by David. This seems like the easiest way to do it if you and DH decide to use Terry for the new baby. If your DH would go for it, you could also just use Terry as the mn. That way it's still in the name. Keep us updated as to what you and DH are thinking!

Congrats on the new little boy, and good luck with the rest of the pregnancy!

Liz

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Thanks belle_petite for the siggy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: lisa_mom3
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 11:21am

I haven't gotten to read all the replies yet, but I agree with you: I don't care for giving children the same exact name as someone else in the household (meaning the fn they'd actually go by ... I realize you said he'd have a different mn) and I think it'd be odd to name the second son after your dh having already bypassed the first.

I'd reserve Terry for the mn, use your dh's -- or better yet, HIS father's -- mn as the fn or at the very least call little "Terry" by his mn on a regular basis (giving your dh the recognition he seems to want so much but allowing your son to use his "own" name for all intents and purposes).

It might also help to find out WHY this is so important to your dh. To be honest, I think the common practice of fathers giving their sons the same name is a bit too self-absorbed, but I quite LIKE the idea of naming a child to honor someone dear to you (in this case, the grandfather), so perhaps that's all it is? In that case, I'd use Grampa's mn, as mentioned above, or even look for another way to honor someone special to dh (for instance, if his mother's maiden name was Georgia Jameson, you might name this son George, Jameson, James or even a variant like Seamus). ;)

HTH


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
In reply to: lisa_mom3
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 3:25pm
i wouldn't do it. not with 2 boys. agree with you. plus, go with your first reaction on something permanent, IMO.
just not fair to the other boy also.
my 2 cents.
JEN
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
In reply to: lisa_mom3
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 12:29am
well maybe you can try to comprmise on it maybe you could name the baby atfer the the first letter of his name like since his name satarts with a T, and you would name the baby a name with a T.