Naming Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Naming Issues
16
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 9:12pm
I have a couple questions: Question 1. Is it too selffish of my to ask of my partner to want a hyphenated last name for our child? He seems to strongly disagree but I think it's best since we're not married and since we both created this child within me. Question 2. Should I be permissive on his request to name the child after him? He's a "jr." and if we have a son, he'd want a "III" in his generation, and he's wanted to pass down his name since he was young. I don't think it's fair, since I've always had one name in my mind if I were to bare a son. And I don't want to conform to rules of society to give up my family name just because I'm a female, but I would like some feedback, if possible. I want to know if I'm being too crude to him or too proud, which is why a third party perspective is almost a must. Please Help! Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 12:36pm
I see where you're coming from Stephanie. I think DH wanting to name DS after himself as almost a macho thing..."look what I was able to do and I've named him after myself!" The world is full of compromise and my DH and I are finding that out as we talk names. I want to try and incorporate family names into our baby's name... or at least pick a name sake (i.e. my mother's name is Silvia--I would never name my DD Silvia but I would name her Samantha or another S name as a way of honoring my mother). I would never expect DH to name my daughter jr...just don't see it as much with girls anymore. BUT I would like DH to at least concider "namesake" names just as I am concidering Alton as a possibility for a mn.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-1999
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 3:14pm

Ok, here is my 2 cents...I believe that a child with your name is an honor to you. In ancient history, everyone had the dad's name because the wife and children were considered property (literally). Now it is more long standing tradition and a lot less hassle to just go with the husband's last name.

However, in the community in which I grew up, if a couple were not married at the time of child birth, the child typically carried the mother's last name. It was felt that the father did not deserve the honor of a child named for him if he did not plan to take responsiblity and marry the mom.

In the modern day I still dont think the dad should get the privelege of a namesake on his child unless he is willing to commit to caring for the child equally with the mother. That means financially, emotionally and everything else he needs. These days there is no point in getting married just because of a pregnancy. No kid needs to grow up seeing his parents fight and then split up because they should never have been a couple to begin with.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is...in my opinion dont give this child the father's last name or even his full name unless you truly believe he will be there for you and your son throughout his life. He may have had a "part" in this but it was a small part at best. You are the one who will carry, give birth, and primarily care for this baby. You decide on what makes you feel the best.

Lisa

Avatar for 3togetready
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-1999
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 4:05pm

I am not a fan of hyphenated names. Some are so long I feel sorry for the child that has to write the name. I would choose one name only. I would choose the fathers last name but that is up to you.

I don't think you should feel you have to keep up the tradition you don't like. I also think that you should both like the name which means that if he does not care for the name you have liked forever then you should find one you both like. I did not follow the tradition in my dh family because I did not care for the names and I wanted my child to have his own name. After we didn't do it my dh brother didn't do it either, same with a couple of cousins. Good luck with that ever name you decide on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2005
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 8:21pm
My or should I say OUR 3 girls have my last name. No, my boyfriend wasn't happy about it, but that was 1 thing I would not budge on. If he wanted hyphenated I would have said fine. We were at a point where we were considering getting married, now it is highly unlikely. I'm glad , although I did and kinda do still feel bad, I am glad they have my last name. Luckily my BF never wanted a boy named after him. I wouldn't have done it. I would rather agree on a name. So no I wouldn't give the baby HIS LN or make the baby a III. Just my opinion. If you do hyphenated and later get married you can drop your maiden name.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 9:04pm
Stephanie, I completely AGREE with you!! Thanks SO much! I had no idea that there were other women that saw it my way... as for my partner, I had been in a previous marriage and it will be my last marriage since I don't desire to remarry. But although he emphasizes on marrying me I feel bad when I reject the idea. This isn't a planned pregnancy, but even though I believe in woman's choice, I think fate/God has laid the hand of life on my womb and granted me a child. I wanted dearly to name my daughter after myself, but my ex-hubby wouldn't allow it and he threw a fit when I hyphentaed her last name. I don't want to change my name if I do remarry anyway. I was definately disappointed, and since I'm having my second child I'd like the luxury of passing my last name down. I'm not saying that I favour your response to other's but I feel exactly the same way as you do. I appreciate everyone's response because me and my partner are reading each and every one together and having final decisions.
Avatar for aanop
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 9:39am
here is the bottom line ONLY the mother names the child and signs the papers so if you want a certain name then put it down believe me you wont regret it!

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