Naming Issues
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Naming Issues
| Wed, 01-19-2005 - 9:12pm |
I have a couple questions: Question 1. Is it too selffish of my to ask of my partner to want a hyphenated last name for our child? He seems to strongly disagree but I think it's best since we're not married and since we both created this child within me. Question 2. Should I be permissive on his request to name the child after him? He's a "jr." and if we have a son, he'd want a "III" in his generation, and he's wanted to pass down his name since he was young. I don't think it's fair, since I've always had one name in my mind if I were to bare a son. And I don't want to conform to rules of society to give up my family name just because I'm a female, but I would like some feedback, if possible. I want to know if I'm being too crude to him or too proud, which is why a third party perspective is almost a must. Please Help! Thanks

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Ok, here is my 2 cents...I believe that a child with your name is an honor to you. In ancient history, everyone had the dad's name because the wife and children were considered property (literally). Now it is more long standing tradition and a lot less hassle to just go with the husband's last name.
However, in the community in which I grew up, if a couple were not married at the time of child birth, the child typically carried the mother's last name. It was felt that the father did not deserve the honor of a child named for him if he did not plan to take responsiblity and marry the mom.
In the modern day I still dont think the dad should get the privelege of a namesake on his child unless he is willing to commit to caring for the child equally with the mother. That means financially, emotionally and everything else he needs. These days there is no point in getting married just because of a pregnancy. No kid needs to grow up seeing his parents fight and then split up because they should never have been a couple to begin with.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is...in my opinion dont give this child the father's last name or even his full name unless you truly believe he will be there for you and your son throughout his life. He may have had a "part" in this but it was a small part at best. You are the one who will carry, give birth, and primarily care for this baby. You decide on what makes you feel the best.
Lisa
I am not a fan of hyphenated names. Some are so long I feel sorry for the child that has to write the name. I would choose one name only. I would choose the fathers last name but that is up to you.
I don't think you should feel you have to keep up the tradition you don't like. I also think that you should both like the name which means that if he does not care for the name you have liked forever then you should find one you both like. I did not follow the tradition in my dh family because I did not care for the names and I wanted my child to have his own name. After we didn't do it my dh brother didn't do it either, same with a couple of cousins. Good luck with that ever name you decide on.
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