Should I use this name? Or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Should I use this name? Or not?
5
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 3:41pm
Just looking for some different opinions here. I'm trying to come up with a name for my 3rd baby if it is a girl. However, the only name I can come up with is a name that my SIL was considering for her last baby if it was a girl. She ended up having a boy, and seriously doubts that she'll have any more kids. So, is that name off limits to me? I ask this b/c I had a boys name "stolen" from me, and it irritates me to this day. The differece I guess is that I was PG too and it was my best friend that used the name,knowing that I intended to use it. Anyway,what is the "ettiquete" here? Opinions? I don't want to step on any toes here, but the name is a very popular one, and with 2 DD's already I'm really having a hardtime coming up with any others that I like. This particular name has been on my list for both my other DD's,so now it's at the top of my list. Thoughts? Opionons? Thanks so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 3:45pm
I say "ask her". If she's not having any more kids, she may not mind if you use it. She may even be pleased that you like it! She may have decided, however, to hang onto the name for a "just in case". But you'll never know unless you ask her. :)
Avatar for daisymae19
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 4:01pm
Ask your SIL...tell her that you are having a hard time coming up w/a girls name you love..that the only one that feels *right* is -----, but you know that it is what she was considering for her son if he had been a girl. So you want to check with her first before using it...most likely she will *give* you the name...if not..well better to know that it would be a problem then to use it and find out later that she is upset about it, or not use and find out that she would have had no problem with you using it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 7:44pm
If it were me, I would just ask the SIL if she

My 3 kiddos

Avatar for lesetlo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 9:17pm
I'd ask her, but *only* if you are willing to not use it if she says she does mind. If you're going to use it (or consider it) regardless of how she feels, then asking seems sort of disingenuous to me. Personally, I don't believe names can be claimed or stolen, anyway. I think names can be eliminated out of courtesy to somebody (i.e. - you can choose not use that name out of courtesy to her), and that (reciprocally) one can *ask* that a name not be used (i.e.- she can ask you not to use it as a courtesy, and if you agree not to it would then be rude to do so anyway.) But I don't believe that anyone ever owns a name. In my personal experience, we've ruled out a name I like a great deal because my sister really wants to use it if she has a daughter. This isn't an issue of claiming/stealing to me, it's just a courtesy bcs I truly believe the name means more to her than to me. Also, I've already agreed not to use it and I feel that's binding. What I found, tho, was that once I accepted that name was off my list, I *was* able to come up with other names I liked. (It had previously seemed like the only girls' name for me.) I expect if you choose to rule out the name, you *will* come up with others once you accept that decision.


Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 10:08pm
I agree with everyone else. Just ask her if she cares if you use it or not. If she does, then you need to respect that. If she is not planning on having anymore kids, she may be thrilled to have a niece with that name. By the way, just curious...what's the name?


Dana