Siblings at childbirth
Find a Conversation
Siblings at childbirth
| Thu, 03-30-2006 - 7:19pm |
Has anyone had experience with this? Our son just turned 3 and has expressed that he wants to go to the hospital with us. I am not sure if this is a good idea or not. I don't want him to feel left out but at the same time I don't want him to be scared. My husband said that we could have him set up with activities to do (computer games, movies, etc,) I don't think he should actually see his brother coming out if you know what I mean. Any helpful advise would be great. Thanks!

I know a woman who had her two children (3 and 18 months) at the birthing center when her 3rd was born. The children had access to toys/movies in another room, but could come in and see mom/dad basically whenever they wanted. I think they also had another caregiver who was responsible for them. They happened to not be in the room when the baby was born, but they were able to see him right afterward, and it was great for everyone.
I've heard of other people doing similar things -- sometimes with the siblings in the room for the birth, sometimes not. I think the most important thing you can do is try to prepare him for the birth if this is something you want him to be a part of. Read books, watch videos on natural childbirth, talk about what will happen and how, etc. Also, have another caregiver besides your DH there to be responsible for him so that your DH is still able to focus on you. I also don't think there's an issue with him seeing the baby born as long as he's prepared for it.
Of course, you know yourself, your DH, and your son best, so only you can make the decision about whether or not he should be there. I know some kids can handle things like that better than others. Also, you may not feel like you can really focus on your labor if he's there.
When my 2nd DD was born, my parents brought my 17-month-old to see me in very early labor so that she knew where I was and that I was okay. Then, they brought her back right after her sister was born and again the following days when we were still in the hospital. I didn't go a single day w/o seeing her, but there was no reason for her to be there during delivery.
If I were you, I'd ask around more and listen to others' experiences before you make your decision.
Good luck!
Stephanie
My oldest daughter, Kaitlyn, was at the birth of her sister when she was 3 and a half (last year). She really wanted to be there and, besides the fact that I wanted her there too, we felt it was an incredible way to help her feel bonded to her baby sister rather than just leaving her with family one day and magically coming home with a baby the next.
I do think it's a personal decision, of course, depending on your own child and how you act during/deal with labor and delivery. In our case, we knew Kaitlyn could handle it, especially since she really wanted to be there (there was really no question in her mind ... she insisted that she WOULD be there to see her sister born). Plus, since I'd already had a completely natural labor and delivery with Kaitlyn (which lasted about 10 hours and resulted in a plump, healthy 8 pound 8 ounce infant LOL), we felt reasonably certain the second delivery would be equally uncomplicated and that we (and she) could handle anything that might come along.
We also let her watch A Baby Story and Birth Day a lot so she'd have an idea of what it might be like (and it helped that they always seem to catch the very worst moments of labor when the poor woman is screaming and cursing the doctor for an epidural or something LOL), so she was more or less prepared for the worst, since my own labors were not nearly as bad. She even tried to tell me once to "really" push, since I wasn't yelling and screaming like she was used to seeing on TV! LOL I also think it helped her to know the real story of how the baby gets here, and even that it hurts the mommy, instead of just thinking the baby magically appeared somehow and wondering why mommy seems so tired/sore for a few days after, KWIM? ;) You'd be surprised how much children can really comprehend.
As it turns out, I had a fast, easy labor (supposedly second babies take about half the time), staying home with mild contractions for 2 or 3 hours and then getting to the hospital at 9+ cent. and ready to push. Kaitlyn had been with my mom that day anyway (her day off, so they were hanging out), so she got there about the same time we did and nearly jumped into the jacuzzi with me she was so excited. Two or three pushes later the baby was out, and we even have Kaitlyn on video jumping up and down, squealing (the most excited we'd ever seen her). I wouldn't trade that memory for anything! ;)
Incidentally, Kaitlyn has always been really attached to her sister, and hasn't really shown any of the jealousy I've heard of other older siblings exhibiting. Of course, I'm sure that's not just because she was there for the birth, but I do think it helped that we kept her so involved and let her feel excited, rather than threatened, at the thought of a new baby in the house.
So in short, it was definitley the right decision for us, and we do plan to repeat it with this third baby's birth (any day now LOL).
HTH (and sorry so long!) ;)
~Kelli
Powered by CGISpy.com
I just read the other replies and thought I'd add that it is a good idea to have someone there (besides your husband) to care for your older child or take them out of the room if they want (or even just for a walk or a snack if the labor's a longer one). We had planned on having my mother there for Kaitlyn (which worked out great since she was already with her anyway LOL), and since I wasn't comfortable having my mom in the actual room with us she stayed in the bedroom area (since I had a water birth in the jacuzzi in an attached room). She was also thrilled to get to see her newest grandchild when she was only a few minutes old, btw, so a bonus for her as well. ;) She then stayed a bit while Kaitlyn got to know her baby sister and then took her out to dinner with the rest of the family and then to her house to sleep over (since I had Devanie in the evening and couldn't be discharged until the next morning). Anyway, just thought I'd mention it since I didn't in my original post.
~Kelli
Powered by CGISpy.com