sister TTC too & has similar name choice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
sister TTC too & has similar name choice
7
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:35pm

I'm really upset right now. My mom told me that my sister has been TTC for almost a year now (I am just about to start next month). Lately, my sister has been saying things like "i need a bigger house," and "i love my growing family."

a few weeks ago, she told me her favorite boy and girl names and said that she and her DH have already decided that both names are THE names. Well, DH and I just spent months looking for our perfect baby names -- and there is no way we are changing them bc the meanings behind them are way too meaningful to us -- and now our choices are almost identical!!!! I'm freaking out! they are the same initials, similar first names, and the middle name for the boy is our dad's first name. my dad's first name is fine -- we can both honor our father, i have no problem with that. but the names are almost identical, people!! she never would have known what names we chose because i haven't discussed that with my family ... but still.

i know that her styles may change, but who knows?? i know the most logical thing to do is just wait it out -- see if she really is pregnant. it may not even be an issue bc i may get pregnant first. but, what i'm asking is, would this bother anyone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:44pm
it would bother me, but unfortunately since you guys never talked about it - i think the names are first come first serve...
maybe you guys can talk and you get 1 and she gets the other...
but yes that would definitely stink!
Good Luck
Jaime ~ Mom to Brennan Patrick and Molly Catherine Image and video hosting by TinyPic
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:49pm

I think that the crappy irony of the situation would bother me, but I don't think that she would bother me - seeing as you say there was no way she could have known. Maybe you can talk about it with her to see if it bothers her, unless you think that would create tension? Or look up other names with the same meaning?

I feel for ya, names are hard enough to come up with without worrying that somebody so close has chosen the same ones :S But don't jump the gun just yet, it's still early on - chances are that she'll have a boy and you'll have a girl (or vice versa) then you won't have to worry about it!

And remember, great minds think alike ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 4:15pm

I would absolutely, positively use the name I love BEST for my child, regardless of who else (sibling, friend, neighbor, co-worker, etc.) has already used or is planning to use it (or a similar name). I would freely use my baby nephew's or my niece's name, if I liked his/her name best, for example, and it would not matter to me that they live down the street or next door, that the kids are close in age, etc. (We have lots of same-name people in my family (same generation and across generations), and I can tell you from long experience that the notion that anyone will be confused if two kids have the same or similar names is blown WAY out of proportion.) I don't believe that anyone can "claim" a name or prevent anyone else from using it, or that anyone has to ask "permission" to use a name that someone else has used or is planning to use. Names are in the public domain. They are for everyone. I would never choose a name that I know someone else wants to use unless truly I loved it better than the other names I was considering. But that's not even an issue for you, since you came up with your names independently.

Use the name you love best!!

Avatar for dr_kae
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 9:09pm

Talk about it with your sister. Talk about the difficulties of trying to conceive, talk about the difficulties of names, talk about it...you're family.

I can't agree with the previous poster that names are open season...I mean, you'd be upset if she used "your" names, so I wouldn't use hers without talking to her. But I wouldn't let it fester without talking to her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 9:45pm
There is a positive side to this - if your sister does end up using one of the names for your niece or nephew, you still get to kind of use it. My brother and SIL had a baby boy 2 years ago and used a name from my list. Now my sweet nephew has a name and nickname that I love and get to say all the time. So, if your family is close, the beloved name will still be a significant part of your life. Does this make sense or help at all?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 1:50pm
I can see how you would be frustrated with the situation, names are hard to find! But, I agree with one of the other posters, let your sister know that the names you have decided on have an ironic similarity, maybe you guys can come up with a solution. Remember that time can change things and opinions so I wouldn't get too upset yet.
Hang in there! And good luck TTC!
:)Amy
Amy
Having fun with 4! Griffin, Dylan, Callan and Ruby :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 12:40pm

this is exactly why people shouldn't discuss names when they are only trying to conceive - since you did not already tell her your likes, then she is the first one to mention these names, so to her they are hers

I think you just have to see who has a baby first, and who goes first picks the name they like best, and the next person has to find something else