Sshhhh.... Need input on a girl's name

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Registered: 09-01-2003
Sshhhh.... Need input on a girl's name
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Wed, 07-07-2004 - 9:30am
I'm due in 6 weeks, and it's been a long, complicated pregnancy. But everything looks good, and we're as ready (stuff-wise) as we're going to get!

This is our 2nd baby, and with our first choosing a name was just incredibly easy - we both liked the name Emily Sarah for a girl, and out she came. This time it's been much more of a challenge... first, to complicate things as much as possible, we don't yet know the gender. We've landed on a boy's name - Jacob David. And officially, as far as what my husband and I say out loud, we've landed on a girl's name - Jessica Mary. We're firm on the middle name.

And I like the name, and if we go with it, I'll be happy. But here's the story... My husband is Dutch (his name is Willem) and has always loved the name Juliana. I think it's a nice name, but am not entirely thrilled with how it goes with our last name - it would be "joo-lee-AHH-nuh wall-ING-uh" and I'm not crazy about the flow of it. I imagine we would call her Julia or Julie most of the time, but still... you need the last name to flow well with the first in case you're going to yell at them for something! ;)

If it were simply a case of him liking that name a lot and me being uncertain, then I would go with the name - I know that I will grow to love whatever we name our child, and I'm a firm believer that people shape the name rather than the name shaping the person, so it would be fine. The problem is that the name has more of a history with my husband. Well before he and I started dating, he was with another woman and they got pg while in college. For about a month they planned to keep the baby, and picked out names - you guessed it, Juliana for a girl. Then that girlfriend kind of went nuts (correction - she was already pretty nuts, she just went nuts about the pregnancy as well), and ended up deciding to have an abortion, in a very public and dramatic manner. We were all part of the same group of friends, so I knew about the names at the time and so on.

So now I'm very torn about the whole names thing - I would love nothing more than to give my husband his choice in names. Juliana is a beautiful name and my husband has been such an amazing source of support and love through this whole process, I wish that I could say, "Here, you pick out the name, happy new baby day!" But I worry that the emotional connotation behind the name is just too weird and uncomfortable.

ARGH!!! This has been going on in my head for months. Normally I talk through this stuff with my husband, but believe me, we have worked through this one endlessly and have just gotten nowhere. He is happy with Jessica and so am I - but he would be happier with Juliana and I can't decide what to do!

If you've read this far, thanks... and any input at all would be very welcomed! I can't decide how much of this is just old unresolved issues coming up, and how much is pregnancy hormones, and how much is me just not liking the name that much but feeling guilty about saying "no" because he does like it so I'm searching for some other reason to turn it down...

HELP before I drive myself insane!!!

Kate

EDD#2 8/22/04 or sooner...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 9:36am

Just a thought...would your DH settle (or more than settle) for Julianne or Juliane? It still pretty much the same name, but takes away the "joo-lee-AHH-nuh wall-ING-uh"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 9:38am
Jessica Mary is fine. I think that the name Juliana has too much baggage for you to use. You should go for the name you are most compfortable with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 9:57am
My advice is to stick with Jessica. You have more than one reason for not liking the name Juliana, and I think it would be kind of weird. It seems like it would always remind him of the previous baby (and girlfriend).

Naomi

Amelia 1-15-05

Adeline 3-11-07

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 10:00am
I'd stick with Jessica.

Juliana would bring back too many painful memories for both of you. Your baby deserves to have a name free of any emotional baggage, and Juliana is carrying too much I'm afraid. It also sounds sing-songy with your last name, as you pointed out.

Jessica sounds great with your last name, and you both love it, so it sounds like a winner to me!

JMHO!

Jen




Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 10:42am

Jessica is nms, I just don't like the "ica" sound.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:21pm
I agree with some of the pp's that Juliana, as beautiful a name as it is, just carries too much baggage for you two. You both really like Jessica, and it goes better with your ln too...Jessica sounds like a winner to me! I also like it very much with Emily...

good luck!

Marguerite

mom to Trevor Mason

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 1:48pm
Jessica Mary is a nice name, and it seems you will probably go with it.

However, I do like Juliana/Juliane better (Jessica sounds like an 80's name to me, Jessa I like better).

Juliana was a name your husband picked our for a daughter he would love and care for all of her life. It is unfortunate what happened, but the bottom line is, the name Juliana was part of the dream he had for his life, and his child - and now, years later, under much better circumstances, and a better partner, that dream of a child is coming true. I think that's easy for me to say because I am removed from the situation, but I'd be willing to go with Juliana if my husband really loved it, and I am touched by his long-held dream of a child name Juliana.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 3:24pm
Dear Kate--

You know that your husband would be happier with Juliana, so it sounds like the "baggage" that comes with the name is your own unresolved feelings about the previous situation, right? Only you know if you can make peace with what happened before. If the issue is some sort of jealousy or resentment because your husband had a relationship before he was involved with you, I'd try to decide if you could possibly set those feelings aside. It's wonderful that your husband had previous relationships. He learned from those and became the person who would choose you as his lifelong mate.

If the issue is more the abortion, then it's more complicated. Can you possibly see it as a way to make something positive out of the painful experience that must have been for your husband, to want and then lose a child that way? I see it as something akin to naming a child for a friend or loved one who has died. I had a friend get run over by a car and killed while I was pregnant with our first daughter. We talked a lot about naming our baby for my friend, and I often regret that we didn't, even though we liked other names better in an objective sense.

I think you're right that you will love whatever you name your child. Even if you knew twenty Marys, five minutes after naming your daughter that, your Mary would eclipse all other Marys forever. If this is something you can do for your husband and be happy about, I'd say do it. If you feel the issues are insurmountable, then of course you should go with Jessica.

I'll be one of the only ones who actually thinks Juliana goes *better* with your last name. Jessica doesn't sound terribly Dutch to me, not that that's necessarily one of the criteria.

Whatever you decide, I think you have two great names, and I know you'll all be happy!

Thelma

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 4:45pm
Oh wow, Kate, that's tough. But I really believe if you have any sort of negative connotation with a name at all, it should be thrown out of your decision process immediately. ESPECIALLY if a name has a tie to one of the parents' exes! So I say, NO NO NO on Juliana. You will always love your child, no matter what, of course, but this name will always bring up memories at least in the back of your mind of that crazy girl. SO... I say, try to sway him toward Jessica again. And if that doesn't work, put your foot down on Juliana. Even the "baby name pros" (i.e. name book authors) say to throw out any names that remind one partner or the other of an ex or a bad situation....

HTH!!

GOOD LUCK!

Carrie

P.S. I really like Jessica Mary. :)

Carrie's Fairies
Avatar for ddatepj
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 5:18pm
I think that this has to be up to you. Only you know if you could live with Juliana. I know the agony of a dh who loves a name that you don't (my dh is the Lola obsessed one). Part of you loves that he loves it, and you want him to have it. He will be so cute with it, and she will always know that her Daddy cared so much and felt so strongly about her name. It gives them an instant bond. Plus, his confidence is inspiring. I waffle like you (I was due 8 days ago!!). Does the name go with our Irish/Englsih heritage/last name? Does it sound right with our last name? There are so many variables that it's easy to go around and around and get really analytical about it. And there he is absolutely dead certain.

I think Juliana or Jessica both sound fine with your name. It really has to be what you feel in your gut. My advice is to try settling on one, then see if your heart rejects it. Or try a compromise. I want Charlotte (not great with our lst name Farley), and he wants Lola (too Latin for us, and too much baggage from our culture). I came up with Lucinda(Lucy) as a compromise. In my heart I still prefer Charlotte but can't fight for it because I know it's not good with our name. DH will accept the compromise, but he is very open about Lola still being his #1 choice. I am waiting to see if at the hospital, we have a big showdown.

I don't get a sense from you that you LOVE Juliana. Do you like it at all? Or only because he does? I think you should fight for the name you love. It took me a while to realize/admit to dh that I didn't want Lola. I hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings, but I had to finally acknowledge what I really wanted. I know what you mean about getting nowhere with dh. It is so hard. If you don't want it, you shouldn't have it. It doesn't matter if it matters to any of us. If you love it, but think it is too awkward because of some imposed "rules" about what is appropriate, forget about it. You certainly won't be introducing her with that story. Good luck!!

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