is this wrong-family death and a name

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
is this wrong-family death and a name
9
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 10:49am
hi
I’m 18 years old and about to have my first child, scary and all yes but what i need help on is naming my child. we aren’t totally sure or the sex yet but we are hoping its a boy is so were naming it Skyler Cody, Cody is after my cousin who passed away in march, so i talked about this is my cousins, there sister and through disagreements of other sorts they told me that they didn't want my child ( along with some pretty nasty names) named after there brother, now i wonder if its wrong to name my child after him even if they asked me not to or if to ignore them because me and him had such a great relationship, some one please help before this turns in to more of a family problem
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 10:55am
This sounds like an unfortunate conflict. You are trying to do something to honour the memory of someone special to you and it is not being received the way you hoped. That said, if it were me I would respect the wishes of his parents and, to a lesser degree, his siblings. As close as you were to your cousin, he was their child, and if your using his name is going to cause them pain it doesn't seem like the right thing to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 11:02am
thanks sadly i dont think its pain its going to cause them but the arugments thats coming with diff. problems, talking to his dad would be the best thing in this situation, if it causes them pain then you are right as much as i would like to see my child have his name its not worth hurting my family more, thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 11:05am

while you should respect the wishes of the family, you would think such an honorable thing as naming your child in his memory would be a welcomed thing.

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 &nb
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 11:09am
yea that may be it im just worried that the reason behind that isn't as pure as pain, if so i guess im mostly hurt by the names they called me and my unborn child that i dont tottaly belive thats its just the memory of losing him, if its the pain of losing him an its to soon then i will fallow there wishes and not name by child after him
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 5:39pm

I would not name him after your deceased cousin if his immediate family does not want you to. If, down the road, you all are still not getting along, then i would hate for them to drag your child into it because of his name. While it is a nice thought and gesture, I think i would choose a different name for my child if i were you - and avoid conflict.

Melissa

Melissa

Mom to Scott Nicholas, Wyatt Christopher, and Phoebe Jane

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 6:17pm

sorry for the Cl hat

Perhaps the reason that the siblings of your cousin do not want your baby named for him is because they would like the honor of having the first baby named for him someday. When my cousin had her 2nd child, she considered naming him for my father but then realized that it was for my sisters or I to do that if we had a son someday

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 10:56pm
well its gonna be his middle name and i dont know i have a hard time getting past how we were fighting before and how it had nothing to do with my child and such but im gonna sit them all down and talk about it with them and see the reasons behind it and if its that or its going to painful then no i wont but if its becuase there mad at me for the other reason then im just gonna sit my uncel and grandmother down and disscuss with them does that seem fair?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 10:24am

sounds fair to me! i would like to believe it is only bc they are grieving or want to reserve the name for their children, but it would be ridiculous if they were just doing it to be ugly or get at you.


hope it goes well for you!

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 &nb
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 11:33am
that is what im hoping but sadly.... they would do this to hurt me just becuase there mad at me but thanks for all you sugjestions and help