This week starts my memories of hell from last year.
For me, the 1 year mark did mark a time of healing for me. I honestly felt a lot better. I know how are you feeling. Treyon did not pass around christmas but it is always hard for me. I bought him an ornament, well actually 2 and that ornament is the most important to me. Sometimes i feel so bad b/c I guard that ornament with my life. I know it is going to be hard and holidays are always hard but with the added memories, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. We are always here for you when you need us. I know I hated the days that lead up to the day I found out that he died. I played it out in my mind and I still find myself playing it out, when he is 2 years came around I did the same thing. But I also find that the days leading up were harder for me than the actual day, don't know why.
I can't imagine how painful this next month will be for you. I can honestly say that reaching that one year mark made things easier on me... and the anticipation was harder than the day itself. Then again, Noah was born 1 week later so that too was a turning point. I don't cry nearly as much but I struggle constantly to include Zach in the things we do as a family. The holidays are especially difficult and it's doubly difficult for you since it includes so many tragic memories.
I'll be thinking of you and hoping the anticipation is worse than the days themselves. Hold Oliver close and enjoy the good things in life :)
I'm sorry that everything is so rough right now. :( I didn't have the awful anticipation that you did, but lost my daughter in early December as well last year (she was stillborn on the 6th). Christmas is a hard time of year to go through this. I am just hoping that, without forgetting, the sharp sting of the memories fades a little as we make new ones in this season. Maybe it sounds odd, I don't know, but I talk to my daughter sometimes about what I'm doing, and about her sister, and it makes me feel her loss a little less harshly.