Grief: The sadness that never goes away

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2009
Grief: The sadness that never goes away
3
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 1:51pm

I was at a Halloween party last night, and I left Abby at home with a babysitter because she is 14 months and would be a real handful. Glad I did because there were kids running full tilt all over the place, and it would actually have been quite dangerous. And I would never had gotten a second to myself, since my husband was working so it was just me and 6 year-old William.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2008

Nicole, I know EXACTLY what you mean.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2011

I feel your pain. Our first child,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2009
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 11:32am
Aimee and RyAnne,

Thanks for replying. It helps me to know I'm not alone. I mean, I know I'm not, or this Board wouldn't exist, but when I feel all those feelings and feel bad for feeling them, and feel angry and sad and all the other mysterious feelings at the same time, I just wanna talk to someone who gets it! I look around me when I feel so alone and think, does ANYONE in here (fill in the blank: WalMart, Starbucks, etc.) know how I feel???

I know how it feels to want to literally run away and cry, squirming inside yourself, if that makes any sense. I felt like that when I was pregnant. I wanted to not be me, not have a baby inside me, yet I wouldn't have given that up for anything, we wanted another baby SO VERY badly. But people would say, "I have a good feeling about this one! It's going to be OK" and I would think, How do you know???? And did you have a bad feeling about the last one? I think people just do not know what to say, what to do, they are so out of their element. I wish someone IN their element would show up at those times and I would feel like I wasn't so alone. THen the comments like "Be happy, it's not good for the baby to have you feeling so sad and stressed out". I KNOW THAT. IF I COULD HELP IT, I WOULD!!!! BELIEVE ME, THERE ARE A THOUSAND OTHER THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW OTHER THAN FEELING SAD AND WORRIED EVERY SECOND!!!! ARGH. Thankfully, God was so gracious and granted us a healthy, alive, wonderful baby girl and Abigail is such a happy baby I hardly know where she came from. I was so stressed out through my whole pregnancy, especially with my dad dying, but it all turned out totally fine.

That is wonderful, RyAnne, that you are naming your baby Abigail, too! Abigail Theresa is a lovely name.

I'll be praying for you both, and for all the moms on this Board. You are not alone!

God Bless.
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