Getting through the due date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2012
Getting through the due date?
2
Thu, 01-05-2012 - 10:15pm
I am brand new to this so I'll give you all a little background to my story. My husband and I have been married since August 7, 2010. He is an airman in the Navy and was out to sea when I found out i was pregnant in June of 2011. I wasn't able to contact him until the day before Fathers Day, but needless to say, he was ecstatic. He returned from deployment a little over a month later. I had a seemingly uncomplicated pregnancy. Everything seemed to be going smoothly and we could not wait to meet our perfect, little boy. On Halloween weekend, I realized I hadn't felt my son move all day. I was terrified but kept telling myself that everything was ok and he would move tomorrow. Two days passed and I still felt no movement. Scared to get an answer I didn't want, I hesitated before calling my doctor. I went into his office the afternoon of October 31 and was immediately hooked up to a non-stress machine. The nurse advised me that at 25 weeks, they may have trouble picking up a heartbeat and I shouldn't worry if they don't hear one right away. i was shaking until the nurse told me that she had found his heartbeat and everything was fine, which is why I was shocked when a second nurse came in and asked me to go in for an ultrasound. I immediately saw my baby's still image on the screen and I knew. My worst fear had been confirmed by the words "I'm sorry, Jessica. There is no heartbeat." Devastated, I screamed out that there was a mistake. The nurse had just heard his heartbeat moments before. I later learned that she was actually hearing the sound of the placenta. After being admitted to the hospital, my husband waited by my side during the 13 agonizing hours of labor before I delivered our silent baby. I waited and waited to hear him cry, although I knew he was dead. We held him for about an hour before saying goodbye forever. I miss him Oi I every day and I have cried for him every day. My due date is a few short weeks away and I am terrified to wake up that morning knowing that my arms will still be empty at the end of the day. I also have a close friend that is due to have her son the day after I should be having mine. I don't know how to get through this and to make matters worse, my husband leaves in 3 days for a 10 month deployment. :( help me ladies, I am so lost..how did you all get through your due dates knowing you had no baby to take home?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 11:55am
I am so sorry to hear of your loss Jessica. No mother should ever have to hear those words. As far as making it through the due date, for my first stillborn (I have had two sadly) I was just as nervous and anxious as you are explaining. However I can tell you that every day and second leading up to it will be much worse than the actual day. Many mothers on here including myself have found peace in having a little celebration on the due date and then on the actual birthday. I woke up the morning of my due date and just felt this sad peace come over me that yes I wasn't holding my sweet baby cozy in my arms but I could feel my baby with me. I tried to stay really busy that day and thank goodness for my husband he helped keep me busy too. We went to breakfast and then I got some cute small stuff to decorate at the ninth where my babies ashes were ( both my babies ashes are in beautiful urns in a building at the cemetery behind I glass wall). So after I brought flowers and a balloon and some small baby toys up to my baby and just had a moment with my baby and talked to her I felt a little better. Weirdly it's kinda like it's your only way of showing your a "real" mother. However YOU ARE a mother we just can't express it everyday. Anyway another thing that helped me was sitting down and just writing to get everything I was feeling, just anything at all. I can tell you I lost my first baby in 2008 and my second only seven months later in 2009 and it is now 2012 and I STILl have a hard time with their due dates and birthdays. I can tell you it gets much easier every year but it still hurts leading up to those days and I still take a moment and remember them on those days.
Take care Jessica and come here anytime. Thinking of you and your son.
Kendra
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 5:52pm

I have to reiterate I had the same experience as Kendra.