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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Sat, 07-21-2012 - 4:11am
Hi, my husband and I have two great boys, 5 and 2. We lost our daughter at 21 wks oct 1st 2011. My husband is in the military, and had to leave about two weeks after our loss. The road to recovery has been long. Now that he is back, we would both like to try again. I feel like I want any and every kind of medication they can give me to help the process be successful, from clomid through to anything else, including ultrasounds ( I don't know ...every day sound like a good start), blood tests, you name it, I want it. My husband, while not calling me a crazy person yet, i must say has some grounds to do so. Our loss was different for him. He did not see me struggle, or the struggle they boys went through. At the same time, he had to recover on his own without us, and it was hard. Now, we are thankfully back together as a family unit again, and it is amazing. He is 100% ready to try agin. I DO want to try again, 100%, but I am nervous...about everything. Is this normal? Does the nervousness go away? My doctor said once you feel like you're ready wait three months and then try. We did that, I'm just nervous, and I don't want to be nervous an entire pregnancy. I want to be happy and excited. Any and all help, advice, experience would be most welcome. Thank you S
Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
In reply to:
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 12:39pm
Hi sgclark85,

Welcome to the board! I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet baby girl. It sounds like you and your husband have thought about have another child quite a bit and I'm glad to hear that you've been open with your doctor and your concerns, fears, etc. I think how you are feeling is perfectly normal. I doubt that the nervousness ever completely goes away but as each milestone in pregnancy is met, you'll likely feel a bit less anxiety. Hopefully the other ladies here will be able to share their personal stories and advice with you. In the meantime, welcome to the board. I'm so glad that you've found us!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2007
In reply to:
Sat, 09-01-2012 - 8:06am

Hi and welcome - my apologies for the super delayed reply!  I'm so sorry about your beautiful little girl.  Nothing takes that pain away.  It's so hard.

I'm going to have to disagree with your doctor on this one, in terms of the wait until your ready and then wait three months.  You could wait two months or four months or 17.235 months and it wouldn't change the fact that you are going to be nervous.  How could you not be nervous?  You have been through the worst that life has to throw at a person and you survived it - now is the time for tentative hope, for those fleeting moments of "well, maybe this will be ok" followed by shear panic.  I totally wanted the doctor to admit me to the hospital at 5 weeks pregnant and keep me there until the baby was born.  I don't know, an attempt to control the uncontrollable?  Who knows. 

The good news is that while there is no magic number for how long to wait, the nervousness is 100% normal given what you've been through and doesn't mean that something bad will happen again.  I got pregnant very soon (like, 8 weeks) after my first baby Luke was stillborn and I spent the better part of the next year in a complete state of panic.  It sure wasn't fun for me or my husband or anyone really who spent time with me but it didn't change the outcome.  I used to think, oh no, I'm nervous, it's a premonition - but truly, people who have been struck by lightening in the past are going to be nervous when a storm rolls in, right? 

You can do this.  You will be nervous - that's a given.  But many have walked the path before you and we can talk you through the bad times knowing that good times do in fact come again.  Best of luck with TTC - let us know if you have any questions and keep us posted!