I need advice.....pulling hair out

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
I need advice.....pulling hair out
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 10:04pm

Long story short, we have been potty training. Not claiming victory by any means. Emily is in panties all day and a pull up at night. Two mornings she woke up dry....because she woke up at 1 am telling me she needed to pee and another time because she peed 25 times before bed.

Here's my issue. The lightbulb went off in her head. "If I tell Mommy that I have to pee, I can get out of my bed." 5 times in a half hour. Right after I put her to bed. First two nights I put her on the potty the first 2 or 3 times. Little turkey peed just a bit each time. Last time she just sat there while I banged my head on the wall. Finally I ended up threatening taking away her friend that she was sleeping with. I feel like such a craptacular mommy. This goes on with naps too.

Tonight I did take the friend away. I eventually gave it back when I went to check on her to make sure she was covered up.

I have no idea what the h*ll I am doing. Seriously. How do you handle this situation? I don't want her to be resigned to peeing in her pull up or worse- her panties at naptime- but I don't know what to do. I don't want her thinking she can cry wolf all the time. I feel like such a loser. Argh!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 11:18pm
you aren't a loser. She's smart, but you're smarter! You have BTDTs to point you in the right direction, all she has is stalling tactics. I never had a kid like this so I can't give you advice. I know some smartypants here will have the answer you need. BTW, hoorah for the successes you ARE having!

she had no intention of suffering alone

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Avatar for ajhansen6692
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 11:27pm
No answers from me Karon (((hugs))) Just wanted to 2nd what Chris said. I guess the only thing I can think of is to call her bluff. Let her have that final pee and then put her to bed. Stand your ground and do not allow her to get up again until after she sleeps. If you have to change sheets, panties or pull-up then do it in her room and make her lay right back down. My advice probably sucks but its the only advice I got. My challenge around her is keeping MY fingers out of the M&M stash in the container in the bathroom. PT is going... ok here.
Emily is a smart little girl. lol ((more hugs))


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Registered: 01-08-2006
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 8:33am


Take this with a grain of salt, since we haven't started the dreaded potty training here yet. But, my question---is she in a bed yet? I can't remember. What my SIL did with my neice (who was potty trained quickly and with few issues) was have a potty in her bedroom with her. When she had to go during nap or nightime, she got out of her bed and used it, then climbed back in---no need to call for mom. She was a few months over two. Not sure if that would work, but it's another thought....


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Registered: 05-17-2004
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 8:41am

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Registered: 06-05-2006
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 9:05am

That is tough... Fortunately we haven't encountered stall tactics at bedtime, but he does get up about 5 times during dinner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2007
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 3:38am

Why do we moms beat ourselves up over things like this?? You are not a loser! You are doing your best. Potty training is hard and it kinda sucks. ;)

How about giving her one "Get out of bed free card". Restrict liquids an hour before bedtime and then do the final pee. Remind her she has her "Get out...card" and close the door. If she calls for you remind her she has used her pass and you'll see her in the morning. :) Like Betty said, she is smart..you be smarter.

Good luck. I know it is hard. Just think...in a year you'll be through it and somehow will have figured it all out. :)


Avatar for witzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 10:00am


For what it's worth, our Lucy potty trained at 2 1/2 and she's still in pull-ups for naptime and night-time. Our doctor told us that the night-time one especially is not a matter of training but of physiology (at some point, the kids are physiologically capable enough to know that they need to get up and go pee).

You may just want to let the naptime, night-time thing go and put a pull-up on her, and just focus on being fully trained while she's awake. Then, you can avoid this whole struggle.

Just my $.02. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Mom to Lucy, 3

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 4:21pm
Karon, I have no advice for you that hasn't already been mentioned (though I really enjoyed reading the others' advice as I got some good ideas for myself). I just want to reiterate that you're NOT a loser. It is so much harder when you're in the midst of the battle to see a logical or objective answer. That happens to everyone. EVERYONE. You are a fantastic mommy. Seriously, there are a handful of moms on this board I'd like to be more like and you're one of them (not that my seal of approval means much, but you have it nonetheless). The very fact that you agonize over decisions means that you're heads and shoulders above the masses (trust me on this- I saw enough Peds during school to know that wondering how our decisions will affect our children isn't a universal parental trait). Good luck with whatever method you choose to handle this.


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