Annoyed...need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Annoyed...need to vent
5
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 4:17pm

Sorry in advance for this rant...I just need to vent a few things and have nowhere else to go!

First off, I am really getting annoyed with some of the things people say to other people struggling with IF...for awhile there, it didn't bother me because I just figured people didn't understand. But, our very good friends have finally gotten their daughter home from Ethiopia after a 2 year process to adopt her. They chose to adopt before starting to try and conceive a biological child. We were telling them about our m/c in May and that we plan to try again in Nov. and he says, "Why don't you 'just' adopt?!" Urgh....this after they sent out an article listing things never to say to adoptive parents (one being don't question their decision to adopt...i.e. everyone has a right to follow their own path to creating their family, another being don't ever say 'just adopt').

Secondly, my current clinic has 3 patients chronicling their journeys on a public forum that is popular in my city. This is how I heard of this clinic, through this forum. The only reason we switched was because of $. This clinic is quite a bit less $ than my previous one (the one that we got PG with DD at). I have been following all 3 patients of course, and all of them say that they get calls from their doctors (never once heard from mine) and the lastest just posted that her Dr. pesonally called her the day of her first Beta to tell her she was PG. I didn't hear a word from my Dr. after my first Beta....they told us they won't call until after the 2nd Beta. At that point, it was the nurse that called me at 6 pm to tell me it looked like a chemical. When I finally met with my Dr. 3 weeks later, he didn't even remember I had gotten PG at all...he had to look at my chart to see that "oh, yes, you were pregnant. It looks like a chemical." Duh, I know. I'm sooooo frustrated with them. I know they are treating these 3 patients differently because they are publically writing about them. I want to go back to my old clinic so badly, but DH wants to try with this one again just because of cost issues. I don't know what to do...my old Dr. emailed/called me personally throughout

 

&nb
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 8:27am

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

Sorry you are going through so much s*&@! I know all too well how the IF journey goes. Many bumps and bruises along the way. thing even break at times:smileysad: People can be very insensitive at times. Especially when they are wrapped up in their own happiness/sadness/ issues, ect..........Trust me I know. 2 of my SIL's were pregnant while I was TTC.

As far as your clinic goes.......thats just plain crappy of them. The RE didn't even have the heart to take a look at your chart before you sat in his office?!?!!? I would feel the same way. Sounds like your clinic is all about volume and the almighty $$$$$$$$$$. I can see why you would want to switch back to the clinic that got you preggo. I can see where your DH is coming from too. Guys just don't get it. as loving and supportive as they CAN be its not their bodies or their spirit as much as it is ours. Don't get me wrong I know they suffer but its not the same. But I can see him wanting to save $.

Anyway, I hope you can work through this soon. I don't need to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel.........you have your DD for that:smileywink: Best of luck and please keep us posted.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2009
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 10:59am
You would think that your friend would be more sensitive given that I'm sure she gets negative comments about adoption. To think that it's okay to question your IVF choices is just as unacceptable. The desire to have children and the way to get there is very personal, just like IVF isn't for everyone neither is adoption.
I wonder if maybe those patients have been with the clinic longer or something. It does seem strange that your experience would be so different. My clinic isn't as personal as I would like, but at the same time they are really good at what they do and so I've tried to not care. They have a message service, so it's rare to talk to a person for things like beta results ect.
I don't see any excuse for him not at least glancing at your chart before coming in. I can see why you would like to go back to your other clinic, and also why DH wants to stay where you are. It was never important to my DH to have a "connection" with our doctors like it is to me, I think it's a man thing. How big of a cost difference is it?
I hope things perk up and your new clinic gets more personally involved with you.
Sarah, 25 *IVF*First Cycle Canceled. Second Cycle Chemical Pregnancy. *Third Cycle Successful 3 weeks hospital for Pre-E. E&E born July 2010 via emergency cesarean at 34 weeks. NICU for a month. Now home & healthy. *FET with embies from cycle 3- BFN
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 12:28pm

Happy you came here to vent!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 5:02pm
I do like the other two doctors, but it would be way far for me to go down there for appts. I suppose I could still do the U/S and bw at the office out here...but I'd have to hide from Dr. B and hope I didn't see him...not that he'd probably remember me anyway. He said something at our consult about how did the egg retrieval go and I had to say, "Well, YOU did the egg retrieval....." Urgh. So frustrating!

It's a huge cost difference....about $12,000. I am going to set up another consult with him and try to hash things out and get straight answers before the cycle starts. Then hope that he can make something work for us. The cost is just too much of a difference :(.

Caryn, I don't know if you've read the forum I'm talking about, but the moms there using Dr. B just love him. I don't get it...I'm glad I'm not the only one that gets the same vibe from him as you did.

 

&nb
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Wed, 08-31-2011 - 4:07pm
I haven't read the forumn you're talking about. Is it on their website? I may go check it out. I know another lady who went there for IVF and loved him too...I never figured it out.

You are certainly not alone in your feels for him, I'm right there with you. I would just be really straight forward with him at your consult about what you need. They run a business and you are the custoemr so you have a right to say what you want/need and you also have the right to demand it or go to another doctor or practice. Say you need him to call you after x,y and z and that good communication is very important to you. If you decided in the end that he's just too much of a jerk to do what you need don't feel like you need to hide when you see one of the other docs.

GL, keep us posted on how it goes!

Caryn