41 and pregnant
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|Wed, 09-12-2012 - 1:51pm|
Hi. I was pleased to find this uplifting community as I could really use a group of friends now. As you read my story it will probably sound confusing and full of contradictions, but that is exactly what I am feeling. I am 5 and a half weeks pregnant, and was not expecting the news. I have a 2 young school-aged children. As a young woman, I always thought I wanted a big family....but after many miscarriages, we were 'done' and had moved on. One would expect that someone like this would be thrilled and overjoyed to find out she was pregnant again. But, all I feel is panic. Shouldn't an expectant mother be joyful? I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat, all the time. I feel so much fear, probably much of the emotional pain of the miscarriages are being brought up again. Sometimes it is pure panic. I don't want to go through this again. Also, after being a mother to 2, a third sounds like a very full plate. I'm not sure how I feel about going back to doing the infant stuff again. I'm also very scared about the risks at my age.
Has anyone else felt this way? I am further fearful that I will never become excited about this pregnancy. Has anyone else experienced disbelief, fear initially that eventually became love and excitement?
I do not have any friends with infants and I do not feel I will have much social support. I'm sure this contributes to my emotional state.
Reading your posts and seeing the pictures of your beautiful babies has made me smile. Thank you.