advice help needed... long sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
advice help needed... long sorry.
15
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 9:12am

hello,

i am 46 and pregnant.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 10:50am

mariea,

I'm so very sorry you're feeling like this.

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 11:25am

Thank you so much for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 5:57pm

I've had friends, young and old, that have gone through similar depression or anxiety during pregnancies.

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 6:28pm
I don't have any extreme feelings like that (though I am in denial about this pregnancy so far). But I wanted to add...I am one of 9 children, with a 21 year age span. Sure, I wasn't too close to my oldest sister (who is 19 years older than me) when I was a child, but we are much closer now (at 41 and 60).

I also have a friend of the family who has boys who are 21 and 19... and 2 and 8 months. To see those older boys carry, coo, hold, and play with their brothers is something to behold!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 8:26am

Thank you so much to you guys for taking the time to reply and

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2000
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 9:09pm

Dear Mom-mariea,

I am the oldest of 6 kids, my youngest sister was born when I was 16. I think people put way too much on age gaps. Siblings are a blessing no matter how far apart they are in age, and the older I get,

R
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2000
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 9:22pm
Also I wanted to add that the depression you are describing may be very related to the pregnancy. My first pregnancy went off without a hitch - but each one after that I had more difficulties with feeling ok. For me, it manifested itself as not sleeping and panicky feelings. I know it was 100% linked to the hormones of pregnancy, because it literally felt to me like the lights were tunred off one day and I had difficulties and then one day they were suddenly turned back on and I was ok again. Even though you have been through this 7 times - it's still a whole new experience. At least I felt that way with all of mine.

My biggest fear in having another baby is the mental stuff. I would go through labor a 100 times just to avoid the panicky feelings brought on by the hormones. Crazy I know, but true. I bet you are going to feel amazingly better once this little one is out, and you can see and feel him or her. It's all the worry and unknown....

BEEBES
R
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
Thu, 12-29-2011 - 6:47am

I think it's normal to have the thoughts you're having given your circumstances. Heck, even in an ideal world, an unexpected pregnancy can throw us for a loop (this is my 6th pregnancy -- 3 children, 2 miscarriages, and we only tried to get pregnant twice, and this wasn't one of those).

I was concerned about how the children would react. Our oldest is 19 and I cannot tell you how many times she's voiced not wanting more siblings. She loves her little brothers, but you know. Kids like routine and a baby throws that off. Initially (and for about 20 minutes maybe) she was totally freaked out and not thrilled, but then she got on board because I just told her that this is the way it is, it isn't about her, and that's life. Suck it up, Buttercup. The 15yo was pissed initially because he thought he'd have to give up his room, but once he found out he didn't have to, he was fine. The baby, 11, thought we were lying. LOL. So I had a day where the kids were iffy but I'm a fairly no-nonsense mother and I don't do whining, particularly when it is about events over which we've no control.

As far as what anyone else thinks such as friends and family, that's not been a concern of mine. I don't care if people support what's going on in my life. I've got to live it, not them. Hubby and I are both employed so that's not a worry. We're already parents so we've got that going for us. We're happy, so there's that. Our life is a bit chaotic, but then when you have children, chaos somewhat goes with it. Once you have a couple kids, adding more isn't that big of a difference, at least not to me. Going from 1 to 2 kids was more challenging than from 2 to 3, for me anyway.

Now, your husband not being on board is the biggest obstacle, I think. I don't have any advice on that one. I hope he'll come around. It's possible that this has a lot to do with why you're so down. If you had his support, it would probably be easier. Maybe he could go to therapy with you?

I hope with time this gets easier for you. Being pregnant isn't easy in the best circumstances sometimes. Please keep us posted and come here to vent and to share... it helps to have people you can talk to, I think.

Best,

Brie


Brie
Mom to Libby/17, William/12, and Jacob/8
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
Thu, 12-29-2011 - 10:22am

wonderful advice :) beebes and brie

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Thu, 12-29-2011 - 12:47pm

Beebe and Brie, Thank you so very much for taking the time to right and share your thoughts etc. It is comforting to hear other peoples stories esp. about the age gap of kids, as that is weighing huge on me.

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