confused, and feeling pretty alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2011
confused, and feeling pretty alone
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 10:09pm

I just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant, I am 40 years old. I have two beautiful children from a previuos marriage. One is a freshman in college ,and the other is in 6 th grade. I have been with a wonderful man for 10 years, engaged for 8 yrs. I have not married him bc of the horrible marriage I went through before. Even though my ex and I have been divorced for 11 years he still continues to take me to court. We had put off marriage and starting our own family bc of all the stress we had. My fiance treats my kids like they are his own. I was told about 2 years ago chances off getting pregnant were slim bc of my severe POS. So every once in a while we skipped protection. I am so freaked out about being pregnant, my mind is continuously racing. I cant sleep. I think about how carefree life is right now, I have no family or anyone to help care for this child, as I will have to return to work soon after.I think about how my other children will feel, especially the oldest. But most of all, Im so confused about my fiance's reaction. He laughed when I first told him, then everything out of his mouth was I now I wont be able to retire when I want, I wont be able to go on

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 11:57pm
Hi there,
I never really post here...just lurk and read stories for inspiration so I won't give up hope of having another baby. I don't know what to tell you about your boyfriend...maybe he's just scared, and sometimes in men that manifests itself in strange ways. Just let me say how incredibly blessed you are. If you were told your chances of ever getting pregnant were slim, and now you are, wow. Consider yourself carrying a miracle, sweetie, and know that baby is here for a reason. You may not know the reason right now, but you are so blessed. I've never ever met someone who ever said, "Gosh, I sure wish I hadn't had this baby." They are always blessings. Always! Best wishes to you. I bet your fiance will come around. Maybe he just needs a little time.

:-) Brandy, 42 yrs. old

Mom of a fifteen n month old precious little boy, conceived in Aug. 08 on our second IUI attempt (C

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 12:07am
Big (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry that he's not handling this well, you really could use his support now and it's tough that he's acting this way. I know that this was a big shock, give it a few days to sink in and see how you are feeling. We will be here for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 11:44am

My husband had a similar reaction and I KNOW he's not thrilled that we are in our 40s and expecting. He wanted to be done before we had our third one a decade ago. I feel guilty and sad by his behavior about it, especially because I didn't really mean to get pregnant (honestly didn't think we could). But I brought home the ultrasound from my 12-week pre-screening and I saw his demeanor change. He still laughs at our situation and complains about "putting off retirement,"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 4:15pm
I also just found out I am pregnant. We have three children, one boy and twin girls all through intra-uterine insemination. I also have PCOS and my husband was found to have "lazy" swimmers. We never in a million years thought we could get pregnant. I am 40 and was ready for the next stage of our childrem.... independence. I feel horrible for not being thrilled, I was once in a position where I would have given anything for a baby! I have an appointment on Thursday to confirm. Thankfully my husband is being supportive, I am worried about telling my parents which is fo funny as I am 40 and a grown woman. Financially they will think that this was a huge mistake and I think they will be disappointed that we had not careful. Why is it at 40 that we still worry about our parents and their reaction! I definitely worry about my health and the healty of the baby. I also worry about finances and the fact that we also have very little help. I am right there with you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2011
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 3:08pm

I think your

Lilypie Maternity tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2011
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 2:08pm

I, too, hope that your fiance's reactions softens as time goes by ~ and I'm sorry that you feel so alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2011
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 9:45pm

Hi, I'm sorry you are feeling so alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Sun, 06-26-2011 - 12:35pm

Please don't feel alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2011
Sun, 07-03-2011 - 10:05pm
I am almost 43 with 5 other children and I just recently found out that I am pregnant. I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time, maybe your fiance just needs some time to adjust. Know that things will work out. Just know that god doesn't give us anything that we cant handle. congrats on your new little bundle of joy. I was not planning on anymore children in fact i thought i was experiencing early onset menopause. I was ready for it as well . Imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant instead. I am really not even sure how far along I am as I don't keep track of LMP dates anymore. I am guessing about 8 weeks. I am also a full time cosmetology student and have a long way to go before I graduate. I don't want to put off school until the baby is born as I'm already about 1/3 of the way done. I have a little over 1200 hours left to go. I am determined to have this baby and a new career too. good luck and know that there are others out there that care and think that you are making the right decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2011
Sat, 07-16-2011 - 1:07pm

Life isn't always easy, but I feel it's a gift and your child is there for a reason, you will be very proud of it and won't regret it. Like yourself, I've done a lot for love, but we can do for ourselves is to strengthen our emotional boundaries and stick to what we feel is the right thing. You may feel alone, but women in a similar position understand and are with you... Stay strong and authentic to yourself, and the rest will be worked out... Love, L.