Here for moral support

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Here for moral support
15
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 12:59pm

Just dropping by to lend some moral support to those of you who've learned you were pregnant after 40, as I did a year ago. My life was a mess then. Not only was I 42 and pregnant, I had never had children before, was single, and the paternity of my little peanut wasn't certain (I had just parted ways with my BF and was with one other person a few days later). Like many other woman after 40, I had been lax about birth control and assumed it wouln't be so easy to get pregnant. I wouldn't recommend others do things as I did up to the point (the unsafe sex and all), but I don't for one second regret the healthy beautiful baby boy I'm now holding who's completely changed my life.

I heard everything you're likely now hearing from all the naysayers about the risks of pregnancy after 40, the higher chances of the baby having a chromosomal abnomality, etc, but I knew I wanted this baby and would carry him as long as I possibly could. Yes, our risks are higher, but not as dire as they're sometimes made out to be-- I wonder how many woman after 40 who find themselves pregnant automatically terminate because they believe it's highly unlikely the baby will be healthy. The truth it, there's a greater likelyhood of having a healthy baby than not even past age 45. Again, not to say the risks aren't higher (particularly for miscarriage).

I actually wound up having a fairly routine pregnancy, though he was delivered by c-section because he turned sideways and moved high up in my uterus in the last two weeks of my pregnancy. He's chiming on right now to say he's very glad I decided to change my life and bring him into the world. And the feeling is more than mutual. I'm attaching a recent pic of my pride and joy. I wish you all the best of luck in your journey to new mommyhood, and happy holidays!

me 005 2.jpg

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 1:01pm

Sorry, should have titled my post "Here to lend moral support."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 4:19pm

your little boy is just darling!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 12:20am

Thank you for sharing your story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 11:11am
First of all, congratulations! Second, you're already 34 weeks along, so in the home stretch now. I was so scared I was going to get my baby home, look at him, and not have a clue what to do. And it's true I'm learning a lot as I go, but that overpowering love when you see your baby for the first time helps you figure it all. At the same time, speaking for myself only, I don't think I could have done this right at any earlier point in my life.

Best wishes for a safe delivery! Please post once your little bundle arrives-- both to let us know how you're doing and to help other women in our situation know that many after 40 pregnancies have happy endings (not to lend false hope but to provide a balance to all the negativity out there on this subject).
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2010
Mon, 12-27-2010 - 10:40pm
I'm a newbie and have never posted to a message board before but I'm 41 and am TTC. Hearing stories like yours brings me a lot if hope. I was fortunate to get pg first time my DH and I tried (I was almost 40). Unfortunately I miscarried at 8 wks. We started again in June and still no luck. I'm starting to get discouraged especially because of the stats out there. But I wanted to thank you all for sharing your stories and reminding me that I'm not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 1:29pm

Hey, Karen!!!!

Hello, hello.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 5:02pm

Val,

Great to see you're still stopping in here once in a while too. Hope all's well with you too. They do grow fast, and seem to do new things when you least expect it. The other day, actually New Year's Day, Mateo was on the floor having tummy time. He rolled from his belly to his back, which he had done before, then rolled from his back to belly, which he had never done, and then suddenly started army crawling towards me. They'll be walking before we know it! Hope you're fully recovered from your pregnancy and getting some sleep. I'm blessed

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 5:12pm
Best of luck with your journey. Hope to see you back sometime with happy news!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2011
Wed, 01-05-2011 - 1:32pm

I am 41 and going through a divorce from a man I have been married to for 19 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 11:24pm

Well, I can only say that early pregnancy is a very scary time, particularly after 40 (partly because there's a lot of negativity out there about it). During my pregnancy I chose to focus on the positives and hope for the best, and I really can't ask for things to have gone any better than they have. And I did it all without a man in the picture. I can't tell you what to do, tell you it will all be a breeze, and promise things will work out the same for you. I can just let you know that is is possible to have a healthy baby at this age, and actually, at 41, more women have healthy babies than not (once they make it past that precarious 1st trimester). It's a scary ride, especially in the beginning, but if you've decided to move forward with it, hang on and focus on the love and relationship you'll have with your baby, and not the absent man. (You didn't specifically say, but I'm assuming it's his baby. Either way, now that you find yourself in this situation, it is possible to do it without a man.)

Best wishes to you. I found this board an incredible support during my pregnancy, and although things have slowed down a bit around here lately, I hope women pregnant after 40 (either by choice or by surprise) will continue to come here to help each other through it.

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