My story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2012
My story.
8
Sat, 01-14-2012 - 7:33pm

Hello, my name is Joy. I am 41 years old and just found out I am pregnant. This child was not planned, I was on BC (IUD) when I conceived. OB removed the

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
In reply to: walldancer
Sat, 01-14-2012 - 9:22pm

Wonderful to meet you Joy.. and you are definitely not alone in this.

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
In reply to: walldancer
Sun, 01-15-2012 - 5:25am

Welcome, Joy!

I'm 41 as well and very unexpectedly pregnant with #4 also (my children are 19, 15, and 11) . Not quite in the same boat as you, but no matter who you are, I think, when you're in your 40s and not anticipating another baby, it can all be overwhelming.

I don't think you have to make a decision today... though I do understand worrying and wanting to button things up and not necessarily having a great idea about how to achieve it. It can be very scary, and with your situation, even more so since you cannot be 100% sure that everything will be ok with the baby. Plus with already being secure in the other areas of your life, it would be hard to pick up and move and practically start over. Is there no way you can take your job with you should you decide to move in with your SO? I know not many people have that option, but just wanted to plant that seed just in case.

Please keep us posted. I wish you luck in deciding your next steps.

Brie
#4 EDD 8/5/12


Brie
Mom to Libby/17, William/12, and Jacob/8
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2012
In reply to: walldancer
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 6:54am

My job is portable, so I CAN move..but this would mean uprooting my older children as well. The area where he lives, cost of living is much higher. I can't move into the place he's in now. He lives with his brother and a roomate and their place is a total gross man cave. If I was to move in with him he'd have to get a different place. Since I first posted this he's had a bit of a freak out. He's up and down...suggested abortion..then says he loves me, will be supportive..then says he never expected to settle down with a woman yet etc etc. It's confusing and heartbreaking. I'm seriously starting to think that I'm going to be doing this on my own. I'm not gonna uproot my family to try and make a home with a man who can't seem to get his sh!t together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
In reply to: walldancer
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 8:59am

oh hunny I'm sorry you're going through this stress.

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
In reply to: walldancer
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 10:01am

I have to agree with Wendy on the moving thing, then. Normally I'm a compromise kind of gal if it comes to it, because you're both in it together, but if he's waffling even a little bit, then it's just not worth the risk, particularly because of the children. I've moved my kids a lot more than I prefer over the past 9 years or so, but we had a different set of circumstances and I had to do what I had to do. Your situation is different and I agree that you should stay put, at least until things are more ironed out, if they ever get ironed out.

I can see him being nervous, though. Even with planned pregnancies it can be scary. However, there is a way to convey being freaked out, and it doesn't seem like he's doing such a good job of it.


Brie
Mom to Libby/17, William/12, and Jacob/8
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
In reply to: walldancer
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 12:35pm

Wow Brie... what an amazing task you conquered, getting your Masters with honors!

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
In reply to: walldancer
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 1:32pm

Thanks, but my Master's was a bit easier than undergrad. I went to a liberal arts college and pulling that cum laude out of my butt was about the most challenging thing I've ever done. 125 credits of mind-blowing classes. I was a paralegal major and my law classes were the equivalent of 1st/2nd year law students. Undergrad gave me such a solid foundation for grad school that I didn't struggle that much. Just had a TON of homework. LOL.

The crazy thing is that I'm not using either of my degrees in my marketing career. Though I'm pretty good with tech and learned a lot in school, for sure, and that stuff is absolutely necessary to what I do now.

I wouldn't recommend that path for just anyone, though. It's not for the faint of heart and the sacrifices all of us had to make were pretty high.


Brie
Mom to Libby/17, William/12, and Jacob/8
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
In reply to: walldancer
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 3:26pm

Major Kudos to you.

Wendy