New to IVillage

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2012
New to IVillage
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 8:25am

Hi Everyone,

My name is Lisa, I am 42 and have 4 children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 9:42am

Welcome, Lisa.

I'm very sorry to hear about the problems with your past pregnancies. I can understand why you would be nervous this time around. The good news is that because of past issues, your OB would likely keep a close eye on you, and perhaps would be able to keep things from getting to that point. And, while I understand the fear over depression, you're ahead of the game in knowing that this can hit you hard. There are surely things your OB and even primary care doc can do to help you through that aspect.

As far as how your mother feels. Well. I'm 41, will be 42 when our 4th child is born. My parents weren't exactly thrilled, but I just explained it to them, that we're happy and they'll be happy, too. Of course they worry, and I understand worry, being a parent myself. But, I'm a grown woman. It is absolutely no one's business, not even my parent's, how I live my life. My choices are mine alone and I alone have to live with them. Well, our children, too, but that's the great thing about being a parent. My house, my rules. Luckily, we didn't have issues with our 3 -- everyone got on board pretty quick. But again, I'm no nonsense about things. It's funny, because for a hot minute our oldest started having these feelings about poor her -- and I'm just like dude, this isn't about YOU at all. And a minute later, she's picking out names for the baby. Very often how we lead our children is how they'll behave, if given no other choice.

Anyhoo, my parents are very religious, as I am I, and abortion was never a consideration. Ending a life simply because I didn't plan properly, well. I just cannot see how that fixes anything. So I cannot really speak to that in your situation, except that I do know that every person has their own path that they must follow. I wasn't put here to pass judgment on others. I can only suggest that you really search your heart and look at yourself and know what you can and cannot live with. That's just true for any decision we make in life, really.

When I sat there with my BFP, a thousand things ran through my head. I had a very hard pregnancy last time and have had two miscarriages, so me being able to carry the baby was my biggest fear. Then finances, where we'd put the baby, how we'd all adjust, everything. It's scary being of a certain age and having such an unexpected surprise. But I believe that by sheer will we can move mountains in our lives. Babies are never an end, but a new beginning.

Best of luck as you move forward. Keep us posted as you are able.

Mom to Libby/17, William/12, and Jacob/8
Community Leader
Registered: 11-01-2011
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 10:23am
Brie said this beautifully. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. Like Brie I'm a firm believer that it has nothing to do with how your parents feel. They are welcome to their opinion, and they can keep it to themselves. Also if your children are upset, it is something you can discuss and lead. Again it is your life, your husbands life. Have you discussed this with your husband? What does he think and feel? I know it's not something you planned, but that's what life is. Talk to your ob. They can help with a lot of this I wish you all the best in whatever you decide