Pregnant and scared to tell anybody

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2011
Pregnant and scared to tell anybody
10
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 5:27pm

So here I am trying ivillage again.  I feel so all alone and don't know where else to go. I am 42 and pregnant with my third child due next March. (7 weeks and counting)  I have not told anybody except my husband.  We started late in life, 37.  My friends all have kids in college and can't relate.  My mom doesn't know why I want more children and thinks I'm too old that I should concentrate on the ones I have. Other people trying to conceive over 40 have told me to count my blessings and not to dwell on the fact I wasn't getting pregnant since I had two already.  (it took over a year to conceive this time around.)  I worry all the time about miscarrying or if this child will have developmental issues.  I also worry about having another C-section.  I think that's all the worry for today.  I'm sure there will be more after the doctor visit next Tuesday.  Thanks for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 11:26pm

We started late as well... some people do, some don't.  It's a personal choice and not for others to judge  (so to those saying you're too old... they need to worry about their own lives and be happy for other people). 

HUGE CONGRATS to you for your wonderful news.  you're 42, not 82... you have alot of wonderful life ahead of you.  Unfortunately some pregnancies don't work out... no matter what your age...    but lots do and I'll keep everything crossed for you that all is healthy and happy. 

Welcome to the group and feel free to share everything..   this is a great place for support.

 

btw...  I'm 41 and just had healthy triplets naturally at almost 37 weeks.  No NICU time and everyone came home with me from the hospital after 4 days. 

Csections are nothing to worry about.  the first day is hard... the second is when you have to get up and start moving around... that's harder..  the third is much easier and so is the 4th, 5th and so on.  You'll do great.  Don't worry!  :smileyvery-happy:

 

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2011
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 8:14am
Great on the triplets, you are so lucky that you didn't have to spend time in the NICU. My first was delivered at 28 weeks. Lucky me to have a rare disease that didn't cause any problems the second time around and hopefully the third.

I know C-sections are pretty routine, but I worry how my scar will look or feel after #2. Rght now it's still "hurts" and it's been 3 years, but it looks marvelous.

BTW I miscalculated and I'm 8 weeks. I have extreme hope since my 95-yr-old grandma had her last at 46! I have read about lots of women who have had children well into their 40's and those kids grew up happy and healthy. Of course decades ago we didn't have all the chemical worries we do today. I guess we do what we can to insure our babies health. Does anybody else hold thier breath when they go by a smoker or am I the only wierd one?

Thank you for the support. Maybe I'll wait until I hear a heartbeat. That will make it more real.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 1:54pm

I hate smokers... and I used to smoke when I was a kid.  I would definitely hold my breath walking by a smoker when I was pregnant and still do when I'm not pregnant.

My grandmother had her last two children (both healthy boys) at 41 and 45... at home.  She didn't like Hospitals. 

Nowadays women are waiting to have children..  some well into their 50's.  If you are a healthy person and there's no medical reason not to have a child, I say go for it.  I can't stand people who judge others.  Do what's right for you and your family.

When is your U/S?  I had mine at 7 weeks and that's when we got the three heartbeats :smileyhappy:  ..and it still didn't feel real!.. but wow was it amazing.  I agree though... it does make it real.  The first trimester is always the toughest to get through.  Are you feeling sick yet?  I was exhausted and completely nauseous.  I had a tough first trimester.

This was my 2nd c-section and it was uncomfy for a few days after, but I'm not sure if that was because it was triplets and my belly was HUGE... or because it was a second.  They remove the first scar, so it's not worse looking ... and 8 weeks later I have sensation around that area (because it was numb for a while after), it doesn't hurt and looks like a small line.

Can't wait to hear news after your U/S :smileyvery-happy:

 

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2011
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 2:34pm
I go to the doctor on the 7th, so another whole week. Wow three heartbeats, I bet that was wild. I can only imagine the look on both you and your doctor's face!

I was never sick with any of my kids. Except my first when I got sick at 5 months due to HELLP syndrome and I was sicker than a dog! I am nasty tired though, never felt this tired in all my life! Maybe it's because I'm SO OLD LOL!!! I am craving ice cream and pizza, not a great combo I know. I have killed three pizzas already this month and I don't even weigh that much!

I used to smoke too until 12 years ago. I miss it. For my pregnancy I have given up all things that I love, coffee, diet coke, and beer. Now I'm drinking tea, ginger ale, and water.

I had a chemical pregnancy last year. I registered all over the net and still get things about the b-day. I was worried this time around, so that's why I started not telling. Of course without a support group..... I knew the first day I was late, so a month ago. Now I'm wondering how long I can keep this secret. I wonder if I should wait until all the tests are done and we know it's healthy. I wonder if I can wait until I'm so big everybody will wonder how many pizzas I have eaten! Is Christmas the right time, after the ultra sound???? I can just hear the judging response from my mother now....

We live in a small town so there is also a fear about doctors. I had my first in the big city because she was so premature. She was moved to a reagular hospital closer to my mom. I liked that one so much I had my 2nd there and my mom took care of my 1st while I was in the hospital. My mom isn't a very compassionate person and I didn't speak to her for a year after I brought my 2nd home. I really like the hospital by her though and wonder if I should just go for it. I like the OB I found here, but have heard bad things about the hospital nursing staff. More worries....

So with all your kids, what kind of car do you drive? I hate to give up my 2 door and hope that I can squeeze 3 car seats in the back seat. There are 3 sets of anchors so a possibility.

Thank you for your support! Talking has really made me feel better.


Avatar for dani20002000
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2000
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 2:50pm

We have a lot of similarities.  I am 42 as well and I am also due in March.  I am expecting my 4th.  My sons are 15, 11 and 9 so this is quite the breath of fresh air doing it all over again after 9 years!  

I am also concerned about whether or not the baby will be healthy.  I was thrilled to see a nice strong heartbeat when I had my ultrasound 2 weeks ago.  I had a miscarriage back in March so I was super nervous this time.  

Good luck!  You should come on over to the March expecting club and sign in.  Everyone is very nice over there although I sometimes feel so old....lol!

Dani~

 BabyName Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2011
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 9:20am
Hi Dani! What kinds of testing, if any, will you do to determine the health of your baby? I had an Amniocentesis with my second, it said he had a chance to have webbed fingers and toes, which he does not. The one I worried about was Down's and it was very negative, to my relief, not that I'm worried.
Jenny
Avatar for dani20002000
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2000
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 6:04pm

I have opted for the sequential screening which is a combination blood test and high definition ultrasound.  It's non-invasive. The test only predicts likelihood of a defect such as Down's, trisomy 18 and neural tube defects.  If the tests show a high likelihood then I have to decide if I want to proceed with a more invasive test such as the amnio.  I have my u/s scheduled for 8/21 and then they will draw more blood during the 16th week.

I'm trying not to think about it too much but the test results are only a few weeks off.  If my likelihood is high, I will probably opt for amnio just so I can prepare myself for what lies ahead once the baby is born.

Again...hopefully a non-issue.

 BabyName Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 10:14pm

I was talking to a nurse in my Pedi's office the other day... she's 53 and wants another baby.  :smileyhappy:

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2011
Sat, 08-04-2012 - 7:17am
Wow, good luck to her! I guess it's still possible if things are still working as they should. I wonder if she will feel as tired as I do, can hardly function some days.