Scared to death

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2011
Scared to death
20
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 1:49pm

I just turned 40, and just found out I was pregnant. This was unplanned, and I am scared to death. My husband is 46. I have 3 girls; the oldest is 15, the youngest is 9. I can't seem to find the good in this. Help me.

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Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 4:24pm

Sending you lots of (((HUGS))).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2011
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:15pm

Yes, he knows. We're both pretty freaked out about it. We don't believe in abortion, but we both wish it hadn't happened. We are struggling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2011
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:16pm
Oh, and it's both... the unplanned part and especially our ages.
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:31pm

I can understand being totally freaked out, you were done having kids so this is a major shock.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 8:05pm

I am in the exact same situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2011
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 12:57pm

I appreciate your response. It helps to know others in the same situation. It has been a huge shock and my reaction has surprised even me. For years I kind of wanted another child, but then in my late 30s I started feeling too old and just really started appreciating my life as it was, with my girls getting older. It's funny, but since finding out I was pregnant, it has made me feel so old. Everyone says having another one this late will keep me younger, but right now I feel ancient. I am having a very hard time imagining myself with a baby on my hip again, taking a child to preschool and kindergarten, doing PTA for another decade longer, etc. I feel like I'm mourning the loss of my freedom that was to be less than 10 years away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 11:36am

That is exactly how I feel!

Avatar for sheri1129
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 10:42am

I'm in the same boat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2011
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 12:01pm

I am doing a little better as I settle into the situation. I still wish it hadn't happened, but I have talked to a couple of people who had the same thing happen, and they have been so positive and upbeat. One told me it was the best thing that ever happened to her family. But I understand the embarrassment and shame. I still haven't told very many people, including my own siblings or my in-laws. I just feel so ridiculous explaining that it was an accident. Obviously we should have known better. But a lady I know that got pregnant at 41 (her youngest was 10) was a university professor that actually taught about contraception, so you can imagine the embarrassment she went through. But she is the one that told me how wonderful it's been. So talking to her helped me a lot. I'm still scared, nervous, worried as heck and mourning the loss of my "normal" life, but I'm trying to see this as a new adventure for my family that will hopefully bring all of us closer together. It helps if I just focus on the short-term, and try not to think years into the future. That just overwhelmes me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 8:44am

I am still really struggling.

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