Intersecting milestones

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Intersecting milestones
8
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 9:09am

The calandar somehow worked out in such a way that I'm both at the milestone of when we had to abort #1--at 17 weeks along-- and am facing what would've been a big milestone for her: her 1st birthday.

My EDD was Oct. 15, 2010, which coincidentally, is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2010
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 11:02am

Julia, I'm just so sorry. I just wanted to say that I'm sending P&PT your way. There are no words to describe how my heart grieves for you and the position you were put in and it makes my blood boil to know that anyone would call you a "baby killer". Those people are ugly and can't see past their own noses to realize that sometimes life hands people impossible situations. As someone who is pro-life, it makes me ashamed to be associated with that kind of lack of compassion. You are not a baby killer, you are a woman who loved her baby and had to make a decision that no one can possibly understand until they've been there.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 12:11pm
Big hugs Julia. I can't begin to imagine the emotions you're going through. I do know what it's like to lose your child, but our losses were so different. Mine was quick and sudden, yours was something I don't ever want to experience, I never want to make that decision. You know that you made the right decision and you are not a baby killer - your baby was not going to live, in some cases prolonging the inevitable is much worse than the alternative. I'm so sorry you had to make that decision.

I think of Landon as perfect as well. I even look at his photos and see no flaws. I saw nothing wrong with him until this summer when I had my feelings hurt pretty badly by another stillbirth mom saying that his lips were too dark in his photo I had on fb. Yes his lips were dark, but that's what happens with lack of oxygen and death, people change colors. I still see my baby as perfect and I don't think I could ever think of him in another way. I think that you thinking of your little girl as perfect is natural, perfect is all we knew, perfect is all we have.

I'm sorry that you're reaching all these milestones at the same time. Landon's first birthday was tough for me, but I had only known I was pg for 8 days, I was no where near the milestone of his death in my pregnancy. It's definitely a lot of emotions to deal with all at once.

I wish I had some words of comfort, but all I can say is I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through. Know that we're thinking of you... cry, it's kind of healing, lord knows I've cried myself many a headache.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 3:44pm

You know I aborted as well and while I don't think I have the right things to say to you right now I want you to know that I read your post and I am truly someone who understands the process of having to let go.

I just want to tell you that you are brave and strong and although it somehow feels right to remember our losses it also is ok to move on now that you are pregnant and full of excitement for this new LO.

Have you ever heard of the woman from Long Island who lost all 3 of her daughters in a horrific car accident?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 4:41pm
Julia, I'm so so sorry. I can only imagine the pain and difficulty that you experienced. Anyone who would call you a baby killer is just too narrow minded. I know you loved your baby and if there had been any other option, whatsoever, you would have taken that. ((Hugs)) hun. I hope you can just get yourself through these milestones. Someday the pain will dull itself. But for now, you should let yourself grieve. I don't know any other way to get through it.
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 8:10pm

thinking of you this weekend, Julia, and hope you are getting through it ok.

Kelly, mom to 4 year old Lexi, wife to Rob TTC Number 2 since April 2010, with a loss in June 2010 at 4.5 weeks, and a loss in April 2011 at 8 weeks (possibly ectopic). Saw the RE in May 2011, we were moving forward with testing and an IUI when we
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 7:52am

I want to thank you ladies from the bottom of my heart for your kind responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Wed, 10-19-2011 - 8:52am
So sweet to give me a special shout out.

Here is the article. http://www.lhj.com/relationships/family/raising-kids/life-after-the-death-of-my-children/
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 7:31am

Thank you, Sharon.