All I've been doing is crying all day (vent)...

Avatar for dani_d
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-1998
All I've been doing is crying all day (vent)...
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Wed, 02-02-2011 - 5:19pm

I know you're all probably sick of all my negativism, but I've just been so upset all day and need to vent so bad. I try to take my mind off of all this crap, but I can't. I feel like all I'm doing is waiting for my baby to die. I know that must just sound so awful to most of you, but I feel like I need to be realistic about this and not try to find hope where I don't think there is any.....barring a miracle, that is.

All my OB did yesterday was patronize me and tried sugar coating everything...saying stuff like, "well, the baby grew quite a bit from last week." Ok, if that's the case, why wasn't the baby measurable then? When I asked if he could measure, he tried to but then said, "What am I supposed to measure...there's really no crown to rump measurement here." Even with the ultrasound moving, you really couldn't see any discernable baby...just a faint blip of a HB.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2009
You know, I think I would probably be pretty pessimistic too if I had gone through 2 m/c that feel exactly like the pregnancy you're having now. I have no advice for you, but, just want to send you some hugs Dani. I'm crossing everything that things turn out well for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
:(
I hate to see you this way.
I really hope everything turns out OK, but we all know that doesnt always happen & more importantly you cant do anything about it.
Its an awful place to be in limbo land. I just wish there was something to do to magically take your mind off of it.

((HUGS))
*mindy*
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2009
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 11:50pm
Dani!

Even though I don't have near the losses that you have had...I certainly know the fear. Every appointment, I would convince myself that I would see nothing, even though I'd walk out of each one feeling pretty good, only to be followed by shear fear within 24 hours.

At my 6w2d u/s all we saw was a blip and nothing more than that; no crown to rump measurement...just the blip and a measurement, which was a day off from LMP and ovulation!

Every time from that point forward I would go into the office and my OB wouldn't be able to find the hb via doppler (which would send my heart sinking) and she'd march us down to the u/s machine (all the while I was convincing myself it was over) and we'd see the lo in there each time. Then when 13 weeks hit and I started bleeding, I lost it and was trying to find the strength to get through a 2T miscarriage...only to find out everything was fine and LO was doing great! They never found a reason for the bleed (maybe a marginal placenta or sensitive cervix, who knows). Then when I was 30+ weeks and they were doing NST's twice a week, I was still worrying as they were putting on the monitors (will they be able to find the heartbeat), even though LO was kicking away earlier, I was convinced something was going to go wrong. As I walked down the hallway to the OR to deliver my LO...yep, you guessed it, I was still worrying something would go wrong and you know what there was a reason for that, because when they took him out he had the cord wrapped around his body (3 times) and a loose knot tied in it as well! So all my worry was warranted! The OB was beside herself as the NST's were perfect!

I guess what I'm saying is vent away. Do whatever makes you feel better, because the worry is never going to leave until you have that LO in your arms or hear their first cries!

I hope and pray that your next scan is what you are hoping for and you don't have to go through another heartache.

I hope and pray you get to worry, right up to the end!

Take care and try try try to hang in there.

Jenn
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
Avatar for dani_d
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-1998
Well, I'm supposed to be almost 8 weeks now, so there should have been a crown to rump for him to measure. But from what he could tell, the baby is probably off by 4-6 days at least.

Yeah, I'm really hoping for no heartache again too. *sigh*
Avatar for dani_d
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-1998
Thank you for the prayers and good thoughts...again. I'm sorry if I sounded so awful today....I was just having a really bad day. I just want this limbo to be over one way or another...but of course, hoping for a miracle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2009

Dani,

I TOTALLy know how you feel... just know that we are all praying for you and your LO-

Finally pregnant after 3 yrs of ttc and 3 losses. Lilypie Pregnancy tickers EDD: 9/18/11
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2007
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 10:20am

Dani, My heart is breaking for you. I think because I have felt all the same thing at one time or another (many times) over the past 8 years with 7m/c and 2-3 chem pregnancies under my belt. This mission of mine to have one last child was been a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005

(((HUGS))) Dani, I know how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Dani with DS1 all I saw was a blip at my u/s. I think I was 7 1/2 weeks at the time. I wasn't even able to hear the hb, just see it. I think you need to just relax and think positively.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2008

(((((HUGS)))) Dani!! I'm so sorry about all you have to go through and that you're left with another week of uncertainty. I wish I could give you some peace somehow and I hope this doesn't offend you, I've noticed you have some religious stuff on your posts....so the best I can say is the scripture in John..."my peace I give unto you...." You're definitely in my prayers!


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