Can't shake the PAL brain...
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| Mon, 03-07-2011 - 10:26am |
I'm over 30 weeks now. I feel her move daily. But I still worry about her safety and have this fear of losing her still. A friend from my EC got pre-e very suddenly and had to deliver her daughter at 28 weeks, turns out her placenta was dying and the baby would have died in a couple days if they didn't take her out when they did. And then remembering Torie's story from TTCAM just reaffirms in my mind that anything can happen at any time, even when you think you're "safe". It makes me scared to death of losing this LO. I keep fretting about whether it would be safer for her in the NICU or to stay inside me. I know that's completely unfounded and I have no reason to think my uterus is a hostile environment but I think about it allllll the time. I just can't shake it.
I told DH about my fears last night and he said "Just because you know one or two people, pretty much anonymously through an internet message board, that those things happened to doesn't mean that it will happen to you." Ok... how is that supposed to help me calm down at all....
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- Hi all & huge concern 5
- Worried after first u/s at 7 weeks 4
- Depression (repost from pg after IVF) 4
- Karrishel?? 5
- Ignore
- Still in limbo and at the end of my rope 4
- it's crunch time! 23
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I cannot shake it either :(
Dh's are just no help sometimes.. I dont tell Dh alot of my fears cause he just freaks out (first time daddy) I too cant shake my PAL brain. Its always there. Just gotta have Faith that things will work out and you will have a baby in your arms in a few months.. **hugs**
I CAN TOTALLY RELATE!!!!! :smileysad:
Totally know what you mean. The daily kicks are great but if they seem any different then PAL brain kicks in big time. Just love having doctor appointments every two weeks. Hearing the heartbeat always calms me. Can't wait for this LO to be here.
Katie I am right with you. I could have written that myself. (((((HUGS)))) My husband does not like to hear my fears and he thinks I am mean for poking this baby or drinking juice to make him move everytime he sleeps too long. But I can't help it if I notice he has not moved recently I freak.
Can I just tell you that the one thing I regret about my pregnancy with Landon is that I was so fearful. When remembering my baby, I remember fear. I remember when Michelle Duggar had Josie in December (we were due just a couple weeks apart) I remember fearing that the same thing would happen to me. I feared losing my baby throughout my pregnancy. Yes I have a few happy memories, like the kicks, but the majority of my pregnancy was spent in fear, and now that fear is all I have left. I wish I had spent more time "not worrying" and I wish I had spent more time thinking of the future and being happy for the little life inside of me, instead I spent the majority of my time fearing the death of my baby - and that's just one more thing that weighs on my mind... if I hadn't spent so much time worrying and fearing, would anything have turned out differently?
For some ungodly reason, my baby died. There's nothing I can do to change that. And I know that there was nothing I could do to prevent it either. My pregnancy was absolutely perfect. It was a freak thing. My doc said it was a one in nearly two million chance to develop such severe preeclampsia so suddenly that it kills the baby within hours when I didn't have any prior symptoms.
You'll be ok, you just need to trust that you will. Worrying about what can happen will never change what will happen. You just have to know that it's not going to be you. I have faith that if I can manage to get pregnant again that I will not be that statistic, I know it won't happen to me, not again, I just know it.
I hope that you can find a little bit of peace, I know it's easier said than done, but please, try not to worry, enjoy that LO now, enjoy what you have, enjoy what you will have, enjoy being pregnant. hugs.
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Hang in there and try not to get too upset and just watch for those warning signs! We are very lucky to have our little guy ourselves since he was quite wrapped up in his cord when they delivered him and he was moving just enough to keep me home!
Take care,
Jenn
I think about you a lot, Torie. I can't imagine the pain you've gone through since losing Landon. I really don't have anything to say that I know will help you feel any better, but just know that I do think about you and I wish for comfort for you.
~Katie