expecting after loosing my son
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|Thu, 04-05-2012 - 7:00pm|
Im 23 and in January we lost our first child. his name is Liam. he was born 4 months premature at 22 weeks 3 days.
he lived for 2 hours on his own, the hospital wouldnt do anything to save him because he was born before 24 weeks and they didnt find him "viable". its been just over 3 months since i lost my sweetheart. my heart ached terribly for him every single day. sometimes i just dont know what to do.
i just found out this past week we are expecting in December. I'm so excited but so terrified too. i'm only about 5 weeks pregnant and already every little pain makes me freak out, if i get a discharge i run to the bathroom scared i may be bleeding (i bled a lot of my pregnancy with Liam because the placenta was slightly detatched).
i dont know what to do to calm myself down. i dont wanna be paranoid the whole time, and i dont wanna "seperate" myself from my baby... i wanna enjoy it. i told my fiance the other night that i hate i cant have the "it wont happen to me" mentality anymore. i did with my son and even with all of my complications, up to the second i had him, and i enjoyed every second of my pregnancy with him. i dont think ill finally calm down until im at 24 weeks where i know if something were to happen theyd try to save my baby.. but even with that nothing is guarenteed. ive been chatting with a lot of baby loss moms and all the ways their babies passed play in my mind too.. i dont think ill be ok until my precious baby is in my arms safe & sound & healthy