expecting after loosing my son

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2012
expecting after loosing my son
6
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 7:00pm

Im 23 and in January we lost our first child. his name is Liam. he was born 4 months premature at 22 weeks 3 days.

he lived for 2 hours on his own, the hospital wouldnt do anything to save him because he was born before 24 weeks and they didnt find him "viable". its been just over 3 months since i lost my sweetheart. my heart ached terribly for him every single day. sometimes i just dont know what to do.

i just found out this past week we are expecting in December. I'm so excited but so terrified too. i'm only about 5 weeks pregnant and already every little pain makes me freak out, if i get a discharge i run to the bathroom scared i may be bleeding (i bled a lot of my pregnancy with Liam because the placenta was slightly detatched).

i dont know what to do to calm myself down. i dont wanna be paranoid the whole time, and i dont wanna "seperate" myself from my baby... i wanna enjoy it. i told my fiance the other night that i hate i cant have the "it wont happen to me" mentality anymore. i did with my son and even with all of my complications, up to the second i had him, and i enjoyed every second of my pregnancy with him. i dont think ill finally calm down until im at 24 weeks where i know if something were to happen theyd try to save my baby.. but even with that nothing is guarenteed. ive been chatting with a lot of baby loss moms and all the ways their babies passed play in my mind too.. i dont think ill be ok until my precious baby is in my arms safe & sound & healthy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 12:31am

Im so very sorry for your loss! I can't begin to imagine what you must have gone through. I think no matter how much we tell ourselves to stop worrying and enjoy it is very difficult for women who have experienced loss. For myself, I have just decided to accept that I may be a bit out of sorts with this pregnancy. Do you know when you will see your doctor? Maybe you can request an early ultrasound? Please keep us posted on everything, and I'll be thinking and praying for you.

Liz

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Community Leader
Registered: 01-22-2010
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 3:40am

Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry that you lost your son, I can't

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 1:29pm

I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2002
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 5:40pm
I'm so sorry for your recent loss. I know how hard it is to focus on the positive of this new pregnancy...we all know what it's like to not be able to relax and just enjoy our pregnancies, so this is a wonderful place for support. even when I get past the milestones of my losses, the anxiety is still there, really until that baby is in my arms. Just breathe and take it one day at a time. Wishing you a healthy 8 months to come!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2008
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 6:44pm
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you're feeling, Im 25 and delivered my son stillborn last may.I got pregnant 5 weeks later. I was scared the entire pregnancy, and for the first 5 months I distanced myself from the pregnancy, which I regret doing, but I thought "at least if it happens again I wont be so attached. It does get easier as time goes on. I took it 2 weeks at a time, thinking " well if I can make it 2 more weeks I'll be 30 weeks" ect. I did that until I delivered my baby girl 2 weeks ago at 37 weeks 5 days. You have to take it day by day, and hope for the best.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Fri, 04-13-2012 - 10:16am

I am sorry for your loss.