How did you know it was time?
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|Thu, 01-03-2013 - 10:51am|
Hi everyone, my name is Linda. I have three beautiful children: Lydia (who is seven and had a heart transplant two years ago), Tobias (who is five), and Sarah (who is two and a half). On December 10th I had a D&C for the baby I lost. I would have been 12 weeks, but u/s showed the baby died at 8 weeks. It was terrible timing as my oldest daughter was in the hospital with an infection and suspected post-transplant cancer (a surgical biopsy showed no cancer, yay!). She is home now and we are all adjusting back to normal life. My son has been dealing with some anger issues over the abandoment (we had to leave them with family for a good part of the time we spent with our daughter in the hospital) and my youngest has been a bit clingy but otherwise everything seems to be settling back into a normal rythm. Now that the adrenaline is gone I'm feeling the loss more keenly. I'm also noticing this huge sadness that I'm not pregnant anymore. It's more than the loss of baby River, it's the fact that there's now no baby to look forward to and plan for. I have boxes of beautiful wool clothing and newborn cloth diapers sitting in the bedroom and every morning I wake up I get so sad when I realize I'm no longer pregnant. I guess my question is, when did you know it was time to try again? I am afraid to have another loss but the fear is strongly overshadowed by a very strong desire to get pregnant again. My husband is not sure when he'll be ready and I've avoided the subject with him because I can't bear to have my heart crushed. I talked to a family counselor on the phone yesterday (it wasn't very helpful in general, she was mostly just listening to our story and affirming what we were doing already) and she said the psych recommendation was to wait a YEAR. I just about started crying and ended the conversation quickly. I've been so depressed ever since... She also made me feel guilty for even considering it because of my children and their needs. I don't know... Maybe I am just being selfish. But the thought of waiting that long makes me feel so depressed. :(
So yeah, when did you know it was time? Thanks ladies!! :)