So, my most recent loss of my 3 MCs
Difficult emotions to tease out, indeed.
It is quite bittersweet to have your friend's baby born when you should be holding your baby in your arms. I know it's not fair :( My best friend and my sister both had babies this summer and I while I was overjoyed for them, there is an overwhelming sadness and emptiness from not having your own baby to hold.
I totally understand how you feel. I had a miscarriage in April, and would have been due this coming Monday, 11/21. It's hard not to think about it and be sad for the loss. I don't know how you couldn't be? Though I have to admit before I had a loss I guess I never truly would have understood. I'm so happy to be pregnant again and 15 weeks along before my expected due date for the last pregnancy. But it doesn't take away the feelings of loss from the last one, either.
Anyway, I don't have any advice but just wanted to sympathize. I'll be thinking of you and I hope you're able to get through the next few weeks as easily as possible.