25 weeks and 100% alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
25 weeks and 100% alone
12
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 9:52pm
Like a lot of girls on here this is my first time posting on something like this but I have no where else to turn. I am 24 and 25 weeks pregnant.... I was with the father for just a few months this summer and we had a blast together. Then I found out I was pregnant, I was 8 weeks when I told him and he was not thrilled. He immmediatly wanted me to have an abortion, says his parents would disown him,(he's 30 btw!) and says his life is already f***ed enough and I can't do this to him.... I was so upset and scared and confuse, I couldn't believe this was happening to me. He said he would be there for me through everything. A fee weeks passed and we continued tO see each other, not once really bringing up the baby. Then when I tried to talk about it that was it.... No explanation, not a phone call, text message, email or anything, in his mind I don't exist at all. We are both pretty stable with good jobs, our own home and just doing pretty well so I thought we were both able to care for a child, we got ourselves into this and now we need to deal with it! Well it has been 4 months and i have not seen or heard from him. I tried to send a fb message and it looks like I'm blocked bc I can't find him, whatever I try there is no answer. I am a cf carrier and just needed to know if he would get tested (my dr is bugging me too) bc if he is the baby could have this disease.. Other than that I haven't even tried to get ahold of him. I sent a text from another # saying it was me and mentioned the cf and I know he got it but still no answer. I am really bothered now and can't stop thinking how he just acts like this isn't happening. This baby is coming in April and it looks like I will be alone in the delivery rOom as well as everything in-between. I could write so much more but it would be one big all over the place mess... I'm just feeling so alone and even though I hAte him I would do anything to have him here now n then, to feel him kick and just listen to how I'm feeling. Any input would be aPpreciated

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2012
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 2:05pm
Hello, my name is jenni

I am also new here, first time even writing, I'm 29 weeks tomorrow, the guy I was with I have not seen or heard from him in 5 months, he was happy then wanted an abortion, I felt the same as you did, y is this happening? How can he treat me like this? How can he not b here at least for his kid? I didn't do this alone, but you just come to realize that no one can change his mind but him weather you keep telling him or not just create a positive experience for you're self, I'm worried about labor alone but I do have my mom and sister, so keep strong and do things that make u happy. I wish u the best!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
Sun, 01-08-2012 - 12:01pm
Thanks for the reply, it is good to hear someone else ping through the same thing. I am also starting to worry about labor alone as it is getting closer to that time and I think that's why I am reall questioning things. I am not very close to my mother, although she'd love to be there I think it may just be awkward. I have asked a friend but it just isn't going to feel the same as if it was his dad there. I don't even have a plan tor getting there, or home, and being alone those long first nights also seems scary. This is my second child my first is 6 (I was with his father for years and he sees him all the time) I am basically starting over with this one. I was always very adimant after having him I would be married and happy before doing it alone again and things are just slowly going the total wrong way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 2:18am
Have you thought of hiring a doula? I had one with my son and well worth the money!! My twin and dad were there but if not for the doula it wouldn't have gone well. My sons dad left when I was 6w pg and has seen him once in 6.5 months!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2011
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 10:01pm

First off, let me congratulate you on your pregnancy! I know that excitement may be the furthest thing from your mind right now, but you deserve to be happy about it! This is also the first time I have ever posted on here (though I have been watching these message boards for a while), but your situation is similar to what I went through this past year so I decided to post back. I am 25 years old and the dad is 30 years old. I was with him only for a (very) short period of time in the summer of 2010 when I found out I was pregnant. I went through my pregnancy pretty much without him and gave birth to my son at the beginning of December. I can definitely relate to what you are going through...

As for your situation, I'm sorry that he is being so immature... It seems to be a trend on these boards that the guy gets so freaked out with having to take responsibility that they run away from it all. It seems that you have done as much reaching out as you possibly can... if you know his address, I would suggest mailing him a last ditch effort letter. Stress the importance of the medical testing and taking responsibility of his child, and steer clear of any relationship talk. But realistically, this guy doesn't strike me as the kind of person you want around. As long as you can say to your child that you did everything in your power to keep his biological father involved, then you can rest easy.

As for going at this alone, you don't have to =) Try to build up your support network over the next couple of months. Try and get one or two family members or friends to be your go-to people and partners for doctors appointments and ultrasounds. If it wasn't for the support of my family and friends it would have been WAY harder. I even had my mom as my birth coach =) Start up a blog or a video blog through youtube. Vlogging was such a therapeutic outlet for me where I could meet other mums in similar situations (if you want to check out my experience, here's my vlog:)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 12:16pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2012
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 11:35pm
I am also on my second child as well, my son is 4 but you doing it alone or letting the ppl that want to be their, be there is even better, you honestly don't need someone who doesn't want to be their be there, you would want them to want to be their, in the end it makes you the stronger person because you did it without him and you pulled threw for you and your kids, at the end of the day u calling, yelling, swearing compromising, with him is not going to work because when it over he's still going to do what he wants to do, you should just leave him alone and let him see for himself what he needs to do, you'll see it's a wonderful accomplishment doing it alone as well, and if your mother wants to be there, a great start to a newer and healthier relationship for the both of yous, I.am 31 weeks now but I feel great even alone ;) cheer up its all about you not him
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2012
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 11:35pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2012
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 10:29pm

Hey there!

Im so sorry to read about what your babys father has put you through. Unfortunatly I found this website and just made an account for the same reason. I am only 6 weeks pregnant but my fiance who I tried for a year with to get pregnant, decided when it happened that he didnt want it any longer and left. And like you I just didnt know where else to turn. And while Im so sorry for your heartache and for the trouble you have faced, it is somewhat of a breath of fresh air to see how far along you are and see that this is possble.. Were strong women and we can definitly do this! So I just wanted to tell you that how far you have come in this is very inspiring to someone who is just starting to face it all. Sometimes I feel like if I just drove to the middle of nowhere and screamed as loud as I possibly could, that maybee part of the hurt and pain would go away. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and with ease!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2012
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 11:14am
My name is Adam I'm 26 years old and a good looking guy. I really don't know why I stopped in here, but as I am reading what you ladies are saying about these guys makes my heart go out to you. I never can imagen just leaving the mother of my child.

My biggest dream is to come home to my wife with flowers and be able to wrap my arms around her and whisper in her ear that I love her. I would love to know what is like to be there with my wife as our baby is forming through all theses months. I know they are missing out. All you women are a blessing and your children will be a blessing to you
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2012
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 1:20am
I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I waited 10 years of marriage to get pregnant and lost my first son from premature birth and medical neglience. I went into menopause at the age of 34 and since then have adopted two beautiful boys out of foster care at ages 8 months and 2 2 years old. I was on ivillage through my pregnancy and loss. . . it is a wonderful site with great support.

While I'm no longer looking to adopt - there are several beautiful adoption options available - open adoption is getting more common - a couple you pick adopts your baby but you maintain contact with the family. There are different levels of open adoptions - some may just be pictures and updates. Others have a relationship like an aunt, uncle or cousin to the baby. I have a friend whose daughter gave her baby up for adoption and her bio grandbaby comes to spend weekends with her now and then. They are part of the extended family. I always know of people looking to adopt as I've become a mentor to others going through loss and/or adoption. . . feel free to contact me and I'd be glad to share more with you.

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