37 weeks pregnant and alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
37 weeks pregnant and alone
5
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 8:25pm

Hi, I am new to this site. I need some ears and shoulders and to know that I am not alone.


I am having my baby on April 28th ( planned c section) I am 11 days away from giving birth to this precious angel. My boyfriend left April 2nd. I am so angry, bitter, hurt, shocked, scared etc etc. Here is the story..........


We have been friends for 10 years. I have a 5 year old daughter already by a previous relationship that was very quick, short and abusive. I chose to ' go it alone' with my daughter for our safety. So anyway my 'good' friend and I have been hanging out occassionaly over the past 10 years as friends and the last 1-2 years it has became a bit more. I mean nothing serious but a lil more romantic. I was happy being single and just hanging with him. He wanted more - or so I thought. We finally became intimate in august of 2009. I was scared of our relationship as I thought we made better friends than couple and he said he was sad and hurt. I then found out I was pregnant. I told him and we both decided to try our relationship. He said he was so excited. We never really seen each other "All" the time. We usually hung out 1 time a week or 1 time every 2 weeks. I figured we were both just busy. I did have concerns about our relationship though and questioned it many times to him and he said " when we move in together it will be better". We decided to move in together at end of November 2009. We were excited about going forward with this new life ( or so I thought). I was looking forward to the family life. My 5 year old was excited as well. My belly was growing and I thought things were good. Until about 1 week after living together he decided it was better for him to sleep in basement at nights. he would go down there and watch sports, drink beer and sleep down there. I woke up one morning and went down in basement to wake him and found toilet paper all over the ground. He went to washroom and I noticed his cell phone was also in the bed. i checked it only to find that he had been having phone sex or shall is ay " Sexting" with at least 3 different girls. I was heartbroken, to say the least. I started crying and getting upset and at first he tried to lie and then finally admitted it. It was very disturbing to read what I read. It was very dirty and perverted talk back and forth. I decided to still try to make this relationnship work. I cried about it a week and a half later and he said i should be over it by now as it was in past. he never gave me any explanation or any insight. He said they were just friends that he was doing that with. I was so hurt. I tried continously t make it work. he continued to sleep with his cell phone and sleep in basement and tried stating it was because my

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2010
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 11:58pm
I'm 32 weeks pregnant. I moved away to go to college in another state (I'm 24, not 18) when I found out that I was pregnant. I called my boyfriend the first thing he says to me is "well, are you going to keep it?" I know guys arent supposed to be thrilled about a girl being pregnant, but MY GOD! I already feel alone bcause I'm in another state, and have no support, and that's the first thing you say to me?! I ended up moved back home, and living with him. Around Christmas in 2009 I had found out a week before I left for college he had cheated on me with some girl, and they had been talking. I found out when I went through his phone one and and I just had a guy feelings that he had cheated on me with her. I never thought in a million yrs that my bf would do that. I began to call her, she answered the phone. She was nice told me everything, and anything I wanted to know. SHe said that he had asked to come over and help with because she just bought a new house, wanted to take her out on a date, sent pic messages to her. Luckily this girl wasnt interested! I confronted him about cheating on me, and he couldn't believe that I had found out. I couldn't get the nerve to leave him. He still hasnt told me 'til this day why he cheated on me. Another time in Jauary we had got into an arguement, and he put his hands on me. Just this past Easter, i found out from a dating website that he had planned on cheating on me again! He always says his sorry, and says that he wants to be there, and have a family with me. I'm dealing with things on my own, and have been for a long time! However, I feel guilty leaving him! He has a good job in a small town, own house, 2 cars to pay for, plus child support on top of it. If I left he would end up moving in with his mom, lose everything, and live 6 hours away from me because I would have to move back in with my parents as well. I bicker with him all the time because I can't trust him. It's so hard! The baby is right around the corner, and I feel like I will be in the delivery room alone! I never would've thought that this would be me...I can;t be anymore angrier, and ashamed of myself. I can understand where your coming from, and it sucks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 7:12pm
I think the worst part about our situations is that we end up feeling ashamed... why? I mean yes a pregnancy ended out of a relationship that was not good. But, we did not make the choice to be unfaithful, disrespectful, dishonest etc etc. The feelings can be overwhelming at times. He sends me emails ( instead of calling) asking what he can help me with. I am 100% sure it is his own guilt that presses him to ask this. he really doesnt care otherwise he would nto have made a bad situation worse by leaving me 3 1/2 weeks before baby arrives. He left me in a terrible situation and thinks that if he pretends to care and say nice things it will make it all better. He cheated, he lied several several times, he broke my heart etc etc etc. I have learned his ways and who he is and I knnow I deserve better than this. many women stay in situations that are not good and where they are being mistreated. You have chose to go alone instead of being a doormat and that is commendable. Realize that you are taking a stand and sayin I will not be mistreated, lied to and cheated on. You are not allowing yourself to be used. It is a good thing. It will be very very hard being a single Mom but it would be worse being a Mom in a poor relationship where your spirit is being broken. You deserve the best and so do I. I am not a perfect person. I have made many mistakes and will continue to do so but I do not deserve to be led on by a man who makes every decision completely for himself. That's what it all boils down to - selfishness. His other women were for his own selfish perversions, his lies were for his own selfish ways, his leaving was for his own selfish benefit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:15pm
First of all I just want to say that I can totally relate to Angels2mom experience and wanna agree with you that yes, WE DO deserve the best because our circumstances have only made us stronger and more discerning of selfish men. I am 21 and single from the day I told my baby's father I was pregnant, and I broke up with him! He is 20 yrs old, a coward, selfish, lying, cheating, possibly murderer and dumbass who I hope the Lord spares. I am 11 weeks and getting through everyday as best as I can. There's times where I can't help beat myself up for being so naive and stupid but then there's times I am grateful this experience happened because I have seen many people true colors. I am smarter, maturer, aware of what's really important in life and grateful that I got out of the relationship when I did. I've learned that everything happens for a reason and I choose to not be bitter and regretful, but to truly learn and grow. God bless you 2 baby girls, and I pray for a safe and easy delivery.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 5:48pm

and to Juliagulia1015


I know this is a devastating time for the both of you but now you will have to move on and focus on your baby. To be honest I was in the same situation with my first child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 10:52pm

I whole heartily agree with this post.