4 years, 4 months pregnant, alone, sad
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|Sat, 05-22-2010 - 8:47pm|
my story, not uncommon, but everyday i have the same reaction, i cant believe this is happening to me.
my boyfriend of four years cheated on me, getting this girl pregnant last year. shes due in like july or something. then gets me pregnant right afterwards... i love the guy. with all of my everything. i would in a heartbeat, drop anything for him. my pathetic commitment to him has driven me insane cuz now all i am faced with is rejection. i am only 19. i am not ready to be a mom. i have alot of problems of my own. problems that my ex used to listen to, even try and help. now he wont talk to me. and i feel so alone, rejected, and heartbroken. he, after being with me for the entire pregnancy (i am 4 months) tells me the other day he still has feelings for the other girl, and he doesn't love me. anytime i try and talk to him about anything, seriously anything that involves my feelings, he just argues and accuses me of starting drama "like i always do" from writing this i can see alot of my mistakes. letting him win the arguments he sets up himself, and taking his hipocracy. but the thing is, he is my best friend, my world, my everything and i still try and make it work with him even when hes yelling at me to leave. i dont know whats wrong with me, i am just toooo f ing sad and miserable when he is not mine, even more so now because he also has another chick... how do i let go? do i have to quit loving him? why? why should i have to stop love, something that makes me sooo happy when he accepts it. i love to love him. and without that love release, it all just turns into misery, and sorrow. i have no idea what the hell to do. i dont want to raise this baby alone!!!! :(