44, pregnant w/1st child, BF left

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2010
44, pregnant w/1st child, BF left
6
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 8:32am

Hi all,

Brand new to this site. I'm 44 years old and just over 5 weeks pregnant (found out a week ago). When I was 28, I became accidentally pregnant with my husband of 5 years. He had been my college sweetheart and was one of the kindest men I have ever known. That said, at the time I found out I was pregnant, he was drinking about a pint of scotch a day, among other things. I decided it wouldn't be fair to bring a baby into the world with such a serious alcoholic, so I had the pregnancy terminated. In rational terms, it was probably the right choice. (My husband and I divorced a few years later, and he was subsequently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, in addition to alcoholism. Sadly, he took his own life about a year ago.) Nonetheless, the abortion proved to be much harder on me psychologically than I had ever anticipated. At the time, I assumed my husband would recover and/or I would remarry and have another child. In any case, I vowed to myself never to have an abortion again unless it was medically necessary.

Fast forward 16 years: At 44, I assumed it would be difficult, if not impossible for me to become pregnant, esp. w/out the help of fertility treatments. Well, what do you know--my boyfriend of a year and a half who claimed to love me more than anything and who had always been very kind to me--had unprotected sex ONE time, and I became pregnant! Can we say flabbergasted?!?! As shocked as I was--and also somewhat worried, given my age and the potential for complications--I actually felt somewhat happy that I was pregnant and that I might (if all goes well) have a child after all. Given how wonderful my boyfriend has been until now, I assumed that he would be shocked, too, but that he would do "the right thing" and get on board. Boy was I wrong. I told him about the pregnancy a week ago, and he has been having a hard time--sort of in denial and not even mentioning or alluding to my pregnancy. Well, last night, he finally exploded--this up to now SEEMINGLY kind, gentle, and loving man (we'd never even had a serious fight before)began screaming obscenities at me on a public street and told me I have ruined his life, tricked him into this, etc. He left in a rage, and things are basically over w/him. I've seen his true colors and want NOTHING more to do w/him.

Sorry for long-winded post, but here's my question: Am I absolutely CRAZY to consider having my first baby at 44--and going it alone at that? (I do have a good job and supportive family and friends, but still....) Also, I really can't see having another abortion, but still!! Help!




Edited 5/2/2010 8:44 am ET by marcellerella
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2010
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 12:22pm

I was a single mom at 20, and that was scary! I didnt had a job, I was living with my mom, but it was the best decision I've ever made!!! My son now is almost 19 and he is so wonderful! I had 2nd thoughts too at one point but being young and single it wasnt easy.

Eventually, I got married to someone else, had a daughter, she is now 11 but he started drinking and using drugs. Things didnt work out as I had hoped. 11yrs of marriage and now we're getting divorce.

Then I met this guy who I thought it was wonderful too. He wanted a life with me, kids etc. I now realize I was in a vulnerable position to make decision, but out of that relationship i got pregnant. Im 39, single, no job, on welfare, 2 older kids and a baby on the way. I'm 21 weeks and the dad, even though he claims interest in the baby and me, he simply is gone. Doesnt call, doesnt ask how am I doing, or the baby, if im feeling good, doesnt help monetarily either. My ex husband doesnt give a penny either!

But even with all of this craziness going on around me, and having a bad depression bc of hormones and feeling so alone and having no support whatsoever, except from my children, I'm having my baby! I can feel him move and I love him so much!

I notice that being older its a different feeling that when i was younger with my 2 older children. This one makes me feel absolutely different. I imagine is like having a grandkid must feel like, I dont know that yet, but I can see a difference in the way I feel, and I wanted both my children. I have always wanted to have kids.

You have a more stable life, I know ppl say when you are a 1st time mom is scary, I dont know, bc i dont remember being scared about that, but I can tell you the rewards are so much greater than anything in the world!!! You have a support system too, so in the ups and downs, someone will be there for you. And at the end, the beautiful baby will be there too and when you see his little face, everything else goes away!!!

Good luck to you!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 9:52pm

Hi,


I am on the same boat as yours, single, 40's, and my partner is not involved as I thought he would.


I don't think you're crazy for wanting to go through this alone, motherhood is important for most of us, and if it is for you then this is your blessing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2010
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 12:15am

You know, I'm SOOO glad to hear someone else say they thought they were too old!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2009
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 6:00pm

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2010
Thu, 07-01-2010 - 6:16pm
Just go for it. God gave u a gift, embrace it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2010
Sat, 07-03-2010 - 8:08pm

Your boyfriend should not be a reason