Absolute terror about uncertain future..advice please??!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2011
Absolute terror about uncertain future..advice please??!!
4
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 10:49pm
My life has become nothing short of a really badly written lifetime movie network movie!! Ok so here's the "short" version. First I am 31 yrs old and 7weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. I am also a newly single parent after the end of my 8 yr marriage (been together over 11yrs) due to domestic violence. My daughter is 5 and I feel like I was just now starting to to think I can handle our life on our own and once again the rug was yanked out from beneath me.
I slept with a friend who happens to be the man I dated prior to my exhusband ONE time after having a little to much to drink and BAM, pregnant. To complicate matters further I've been told for a few years now I could not get pregnant after going through 3 rounds of chemotherapy since my daughters birth not to mention it took a couple of years of trying before I was able to get pregnant with her and then it was only about 1.5yrs ago before I finally accepted she would be my only child due to my "infertility". I gave up the dream of having another baby viewing it as God's will and trying not to feel defeated by it so finding out I was pregnant was a shock to say the least! The baby's father is a disaster in itself. I told him when I found out because as I said before we are good friends or were. He spent the first 2 weeks trying to force me into an abortion and has just been a nightmare for the most part, and he is married an lives in the same small town as I do and our lives cross paths on a daily basis (he had been separated from his wife for almost a yr until recently and IT WAS ONE TIME and yes I know that does not justify anything or make the situation any better ).
I have only told him and 2 of my dear close friends. My family, exhusband and daughter have NO idea. I'm scared for the baby and myself because of the potential medical issues I may face during the pregnancy. I'm disappointed in myself and dread the judgement of others because I'm someone who has done the responsible thing throughout my life and this is going to be a shock to everyone. I don't know how
I'm going to tell people or how to even begin, don't know how to explain to my daughter , don't know how to handle the baby's father and his situation, terrified of being a single mom of two , and I'm exhausted and have never felt so alone and uncertain! Also I feel guilt about my happiness and excitement for this baby as its a miracle if there ever was one yet I feel like the situation is so messed up I don't have the right to be happy!
I know this is confusing and I jumped all over the place trying to explain the circumstance but ANY advice or opinion about the most positive way to go through my pregnancy and bring my little miracle into the world would really be appreciated!!!
Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Oh my heavens. You've been through so much. I'm glad that you told the father of your baby about your pregnancy but I'm sad to hear that he's been putting so much stress on you to abort. Other than the complete shock you are feeling, how do you feel about the pregnancy in general? It sounds like you are wanting to keep the baby, is that right?

I know it is scary and I can certainly understand why you are feeling so alone. While the news may be a shock t your family, I'm guessing that they'll be supportive. Letting the cat out of the bag, so to speak, will take so much stress off you. You'll find more support and won't feel so alone.

Hang in there and keep us updated on how you are doing. Big (((HUGS))) to you!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2011

My story has a lot of similarities to yours, and I am due in March, so am long past the terror of telling people and some of the other things you face now. I'll tell you how things have worked out for me, and hopefully it will give you some ease of mind.

I told my parents the night I got my positive pregnancy test. I was freaked, they were freaked. It took them a couple weeks to calm down a little about it, but now they are very excited. If you have a good relationship with your family and they know that you are responsible, I believe they will understand that "accidents" do happen, it's not like you were out running around with a bunch of unknown men, they know you are a good mother. They might be negative at first but I believe excitement will kick in.

When I told my 4.5 year old daughter, she was excited, didn't really "get it" at first, but now loves talking about

Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2012
I would find a support group outside of your family and current friends. Maybe a church you haven't gone to - usually shelters for women coming from abusive relationships will provide free counseling. . . what a roller coaster you have been on. . . god bless you. I wish you strength, peace and courage when you need it most.