A Complicated Situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2010
A Complicated Situation
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 1:17am

Well, here's how it is... I'm 31, single, and am having all of the signs of pregnancy and have had three positive tests and one negative, but have not been to a doctor yet. I just want to be a little more sure especially because of my situation. I'm not happily married and trying to have a child and I do not have a boyfriend. I would consider the father of the baby (if there is a baby) to be a friend; I have known him for almost a year, but we are not currently and were not in a relationship at any time.

We met in July of last year and didn't have sex until December, mostly just two lonely people with very busy professional careers that basically dominate our lives who started out as friends, didn't take the time to develop a relationship, and ended up taking the friendship to another level.

I am an overall good person, I'd say, so something like this happening for me would be considered quite out of character for those who know me and from what I can tell, the same for him. We were very careful when having sex and talked about the risks of taking our friendship to this level, so it wasn't some spur of the moment craziness or anything. He is only the second sex partner I've had and the first one was a long-term relationship, I do not get around and he is not that way either. There was a high level of trust that developed before we went this far.

This had to have happened in May because the last time before that was March. A week after what happened in May, he talked to me about how guilty he was feeling because he feels like he's using me. This was very unexpected. It was not this way at all, as I see it. He was always very respectful, never pushy, and never tried to make me do something I didn't want to do. I turned him down several times when I was not interested and he was fine with it, very respectful. Also, he clearly told me from the beginning that he had nothing but bad relationship experiences and just wasn't ready for that yet. I knew what I was getting into, he was very upfront about everything, he never led me to believe that he was interested in anything more than friendship. He just kept saying how bad he felt about it all and there was nothing I could say to ease his guilt.

Well, to make a long story short, we aren't communicating a lot currently, there's no hard feelings or anything, the situation is just more complicated than I think both of us bargained for in the beginning. Our careers have the potential to keep both of us busy enough to shut everything else out with both us working probably 70-80 plus hrs per week, so that factors in as well and always has.

If I am pregnant, I see it my responsibility to accept the consequence and raise the baby the best I can, I couldn't do anything else based on my moral beliefs. Although my career is important and I have to work for a living, I would find a way to make it second priority to being a mother, that's the kind of person I am. I would want him to be involved in at least the baby's life too and would do anything I could to make that work.

He does not know that I am pretty sure I am pregnant as I want to be 100% sure first. Now I am feeling guilt just as he was earlier. I know he would do the best he could to be a good father, but does not need the added stress, the same as I do not. If we actually are having a baby, it will mean some major life changes, probably for both of us. This is just really poor timing due to our current communication situation, any suggestions of the best way to bring this up if I indeed do find out that I am for sure pregnant?

Note I am still holding out hope that I am not.

Thanks for reading and thank you in advance for any advice you may be able to provide.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 2:25pm

First off, I wanted to send you some big (((HUGS)), I'm sure you could use some!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 12:13am
Just because you are a good person doesnt mean that you cant have an unplanned pregnancy, having a unplanned pregnancy doesnt make you a bad person, i consider myself a christian and i am having an unplanned pregnancy i attend church but i understand that people arent perfect and thats the good in it god doesnt want us to be perfect......
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 1:43am

Thanks for that last comment, that helps.