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|Sat, 10-16-2010 - 12:59pm|
im 25 and was until recently in a 3 year relationship with the guy who was the love of my life until he came back from iraq the second time. i was loyal, faithful and supportive the entire time he was gone, spoke to him every day on the phone, spent hours being there online and uprooted my life for his. when he came back he suddenly was cruel. he drank all the time, was physically abusive, told me he hated me. i held on from when he was discharged in feb until september. i finally gave up and moved out into my own house. and then i found out i was pregnant. when i told him he insisted on abortion, but i just couldnt. from then on it's been "youre ruining my life" and "i hate you so much". he calmed down and went to the ultrasound with me but then he said he felt nothing good (incidentally he has one daughter already whom he adores). so i told him to stay out of our lives. havent heard from him since. we once were engaged. we almost eloped twice. before the second time in iraq he was my soulmate. im suffering so much loss just from a different person coming back and now this pregnancy with no support from him. his family appears to not have any intention of speaking to me.my family is supportive on paper but never when i really need them and my friends are supportive in a novel "hey youre pregnant, neat and weird" kind of way but i dont really expect many of them to stick around once the baby comes. i stand by my decision to not have an abortion. but i am so depressed i can barely bring myself to get off the couch. i fight tears constantly to be strong. but i have no one to talk to. i wonder how i can ever do this on my own.