Feeling isolated and alone
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|Sat, 04-03-2010 - 5:41pm|
I guess my situation is a little unique. At 36 years old with no children, my biological clock was ticking quite loudly. A professional, I felt like I had very little to show for my 36 years other than several degrees and a decent job. It had always been about my career and somehow, the other important parts of life just seemed to pass me by. Just out a relationship with the man whom I was sure was 'the one' but wasn't, I was suddenly alone. And on top of that, for the first time in my life,I knew I wanted to be a mom.
I guess when I met Andrew (not his real name) I was thinking more 'opportunity' than relationship. He seemed like a really nice guy. There was nothing about him I didn't like - cute, smart, healthy and also wanted to be a parent some time sooner rather than later. I had no idea how easy or difficult it would be to get pregnant. I had never tried before. So we were both quite shocked when three short weeks into the relationship we had sex for the first time (without taking any precautions) and boom! Just like that, we are going to be parents.
I am now seven weeks pregnant and still totally floored. Totally in a spin. I am physically very healthy and I am very happy and excited about the baby. Andrew is also happy and excited. The problem is 'the relationship'. It didn't really have much time to develop before the pregnancy and now I am a very different person - very moody and irritable, not very much fun, and often not very nice to him. He is a great guy but often times I don't know if I want to be with him at all. Yet I cannot imagine doing this on my own. I hardly even trust my feelings, my emotions are so out of wack. I'm also feeling a little bit embarrassed. Friends and family are soon going to know that I am pregnant and most of them don't even know I have a new boyfriend.
I would love to have someone to talk to who has some idea what I am going through. I feel very, very isolated and alone.