hitting my 9th month and so depressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2011
hitting my 9th month and so depressed
7
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 9:56pm
My man choose drinking and the party life over me and my babies. I've become so depressed I cnt go a day without this awful feeling of worthlessness doubt abd horrible sadness! I need a real support goup does anyone know where I can fiind one!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 10:53pm
Can you ask your dr or look on meetup.com? Or maybe check into a therapist to help work through it?

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 12:36pm

I'm so sorry that you are depressed, sending you lots of (((HUGS))).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2011
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 10:59pm
Honestly it hurts. I've gotten to the deep down depression where I don't wanna get outta bed or leave the house. I use to be. One of those girls who'd have her hair and makeup done even with no plans. Now taking a shower and crawling back in bed is the mist of my day. I'm now 35 weeks pregnant. I left my boyfriend new years day. It has been so hard and everyone around me says good for u girl ur so strong u did the right thing blah blah I don't feel strong I'm miserable. Me and G have been dating on and off for three almost four years we met at a bar we had that party lifestyle bars booze drunken fight he's been with other girls and I have been with other guys. Then he slept with my best friend. After a hole year of hanging out. I wanted to end it there but somehow I couldn't stop for seeing him. Then boom I got pregnant with our first lil girl I gotta full time job quit drinking friends going out as soon as I seen that lil pink plus sign. But g would not work he kept partying kept going out and once the baby came he left and moved up north. It was so hard for the first few months but as soon as I felt like I could move on he came back and once again we were back together I wanted that family life. I was the full time working mommy and he stayed at home with the baby. A yr and a half later I get pregnant again I'm working full time a daddies at home with the boo. But so are his friends so is the daily drinking. I would come home so tired all I want to come home to is my man and my baby and get to bed early to start my day all over. But it never was the case. Always friends and beer cans and bottles drunken friends it nenver ended. I was so sick of it! I became very untrusting I always thought if there's drinking and parties all the time there had to be other girls! I started driving myself insane looking for proof and coming home pissed. I wanted him to marry me so bad but I lost all trust. And the more id feel this way the drunker and more he'd go out. Christmas came and it pretty nice yeah he was drinking but for once his friends weren't there. It fiannly came to his gift to me and it was a sweater with a zales box I was soo shocked my heart was in my throat! I opened it to a lil diamond necklace finally a nicee gift frm him and I couldn't help but cry. I hid it by crying in the shower I don't know why I felt so sad I knew he couldn't afford a ring but it really hurt that I was 7 months pregnant with our second kid and I still wasn't good enough to be his wife. Later he went out that night with my car and didn't come home till 3. I was so hurt who was he with? Then new years day I was still hiding my sadness trying not to fight with him we were at his dads for belated christmas. He's drinking ofcourse gets this phone call and says we have to go its my boys bday he's having a party. I snapped! Drove home completely quiet as soon as we got home I started packing I had enough. We argued till I was completely loaded up in my car. He kept yelling ur week I'm not gunna give up my friends for u. U can't be serious yadda yadda. It hurt to leave but I couldn't keep coming in last place. I told him all he has to do is stop stop the daily party life we need to be a family! He said I was asking too much of him I'm too needy. I tried to just stop contact hopeing he'd miss us and believe we did deserve better. No calls no text I looked at my phone all day long praying he'd say anything. Then a day... I had my two yr old and my mom driving to the park and someone runs a red light and tbones my car! Totalls my ride I call him right when the cops show up. I have to go in an abulance down to the er for fetal monitoring I was shaken and scared thank god we were all ok but he does show up to the hospital with his mom he doesn't hold my hand hug me or anything I'm shaking scared and he jsut drive me home and leaves. No emotions as soon as I'm home I burst into tears! He doesn't love me anymore. Another week goes by no talking I was too hurt he didn't even stay with me after my accident. But last week was his bday so I called him took him out to dinner and didn't want to say too much cuz I missed him and wanted him to want me so bad I didn't wanna say something to mess it up or cry like a big emotional preggo. After dinner he just has me drop him off with his mom at the book store not even a kiss goodbye! I was once again devistated! Why did I allow myslef to get hurt again! I finally just called him in tears and said I won't do this anymore. He couldn't say anything but say oh well its his loss. Now I can't get outta bed I've gotten self help books and just cry. What do I do now. My babies gunna. Be here in 30 days and I don't know if I can handle even having him there... just so hell show up and leave again?! It hurts! I just want to move on and be strong for my girls I would kill the man who treated my daughter this way so why do I want him so bad... I want my family back so bad but is that dream dead? Nothing is more painful then a dead dream!
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 11:51am

Big (((HUGS))), This is a really rough time for you, I hope that you know that you aren't alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2007
Sat, 02-05-2011 - 4:55pm

My suggestion is to just worry about you and your baby and not him because it seems to me that he's only worried about himself. You cannot force a man, or boy as I like to say, to be there for you or your baby. If you try, I can guarantee you that you will have nothing but depressed feelings and regrets, and thinking the worse. You need to find strength within yourself and I'm not sure how religious you are but find it within God girl. You have GOT to get better for yourself and you're baby. You are about to have it pretty soon and you don't want to be like this while the baby is here because it will be worse for you. I was the same way, not as bad but I did have thoughts about why did I keep the baby, why am I even going through this. For us women, it's up to us to be mature and responsible because we are carrying the baby and it's so much easier for the men to act like it's no big deal

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2011
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 9:55am

I know it's hard right now, but you will make it through. I am almost 33 wks and have been single since October. My ex. is bipolar, has ADD and a drug problem. I didn't know about these when we met. We broke up a few times because I just couldn't handle him. He drove me crazy! I never knew what mood he was going to be in and he constantly fought with my son. I begged him to let me sleep at night, but he just didn't understand why I couldn't sleep through him blasting the PS3. I hate Modern Warfare, btw! After I found out I was expecting, we tried again (for the 3rd time, sigh). I was trying to do the right thing. Well, in October, he was nice enough to steal my debit cards and the car while I was asleep and clean out every account that I have. He was even bold enough to come back and go to sleep on the couch. That was the last straw, my grandfather and I took him back home the next morning after I figured out what happened. He threatened me for a few more months until I gave him my cat and half the Xbox (sad, I know). Well, back to present. I am giving this little one up for adoption, so that he can have a real life. I worry everyday that he (my ex) won't sign the papers and the last thing I want is for this baby to be around him. Life is pretty depressing. I have never felt so alone in my life, with noone to talk to. I have one son that is 12, and he practically lives next door, they have a son close to his age. My mom passed away when I was 16 and my father and I hardly talk. I know I am doing the right thing, but some days are harder than others. It's an open adoption, so I do have the chance to be in my son's life, but there are days I just want this whole thing to be over. Just know that you aren't alone.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 11:57am

Sending you (((HUGS))) jerseygirl, I'm sure this was an incredibly tough decision for you to make.