I don't get it!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2008
I don't get it!!!
5
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:18pm

So I'm sitting here thinking and I just don't get how a guy can just walk away from the mother of his child and his baby. I am six months pregnant and been going through this pregnancy completely alone. The baby's father will text me or call and ask to see me when it's convenient to him. After I agree to see him then I don't hear from him for weeks again. He came over last week and made me feel completely worthless. He told me how he's seeing another girl who he says he really likes a lot. Is he kidding me? He acts like he has no ties or responsibility to this baby and it's really hurtful. Then he asks me if I will email him pictures and if he can see "the kid" once in a while. He said he doesn't want to be financially or emotionally tied to the this but wants to be "in the loop" on his life.

Usually I end up giving into him because I am the kind of person that puts others before myself. In the past I have forgiven him for many things. However, this is crazy to me that someone can be so selfish, so rude, so disrespectful to me. He hasn't checked in with me on a regular basis. I told him when I had a couple of doctor's appointments and he never asked how they went. Then he actually said he felt guilty for coming over to see me cause he felt like his new girlfriend would be upset if she knew about it. He feels guilty for hurting her!!!! What!!!!!

I'm done with him for good. I can't take it anymore! I have promised myself that I will not answer any texts or phone calls from him. I want to cut out all communication from him. I don't want him involved in my baby's life. He is obviously not capable of being a good parent. He doesn't deserve to be called a man. He's a 30 year old acting like a adolescent (actually many teenagers would be more responsible than him).

This whole experience and reading all of the posts on here have opened my eyes to how strong women are. I would never be able to walk away from my child or basically just not care. If I ever knew this side of him before I would have left him long ago.

The only part that makes me sad is when my son asks about his father. I don't know what I will tell him. I guess I have time to think about it. Anyone have any advice on explaining to a little boy why his father acted like an a**hole and that's why he's not around?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 12:08pm

Sadly, I simply don't understand how some guys can act so selfish, mean, and just walked away without feeling shame.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2008
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 7:56pm
Thanks for your response and advise. I have been keeping a journal even though some entries are just me venting and feeling frustrated. I guess maybe someday I will think about dating again. For right now I wouldn't trust a guy to come near me. I have a lot to think about in terms of getting ready for my baby. That's all I am going to focus on and his father can live with his decisions and his regrets (if he ever has regrets).
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 10:18pm

Wow...I can't believe

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Sat, 05-22-2010 - 9:04pm

wow.. all of these ass holes. i dont get it just as much as the next single pregnant mother to be.


im sorry to hear about all these situations. it truely makes me sad, but also comforted that i am not alone in this. im only 19 and cant imagine going through this later in life. my hope is the same as yours though. to be a better parent for this child and to not let the negativity of its stupid father ruin any part of it. i admire the fact that you can say no more... i still have yet to get over my ex. i would still take him back. but at least i know that there are strong women out there, and i can be just like anyone of them. i admire you courage and will to make sure your baby has at least one good parent.


my aunt had a baby as well, almost 2 years ago. before that she was single and lonely. she is like 41. she had her daughter though and even though she now has a husband, she has her baby and she never fails to express to me that the love she shares with her daughter is so much more natural and easy then with her husband. thats why women were the ones blessed with having the baby. its more your baby then it is his! you are his mother, and that is the closest relationship you will ever have with someone... i hope i and you will take full advantage of that and make a solid bond with something so awesome, make it the best relationship you ever had with anyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2010
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 8:54am
This sounds almost identical to my situation. However, I also have a 4 1/2 year old daughter with my jerk. And he hasn't came out and said that he has another girlfriend yet but I'm assuming thats the case. He just disappearing out of our lives. We also don't have any established custody so it makes it harder because he only calls to see his daughter like once every 3-4 weeks. NOT FAIR TO HIS DAUGHTER. So I've basically decided that this baby (my baby