i had no choice but to break up with him

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2010
i had no choice but to break up with him
12
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 4:42pm
Im amanda, and 23 years old. My "bf" john is 30, and we've been together just shy of 9 months, and im 8 months preg. We've been having some major issues, and the most recent problem is him going out with his friends alot, and getting wasted while im at home in distress. We've seen a therapist, but he did nothing but sit there and listen, and never put in his 2 sense or opinion. His phone called me at 2am, and I over heard him finishing up a conversation with another girl, then tell his friends he's going to get "mad bitches tonight" i called him back and called him out on it, and he proceeded to call me a psycho bitch, and crazy, and hung up on me. We do not live together, so the times he gets home are random, and im scared he's cheating, and living a double life. He doesn't support me financially or mentally, and causing me extreme heart ache. Am i obligated to stay with him, and keep trying to work on things? or can i just say goodbye?? im scared, and not sure what to do at this point. Is anyone in the same boat as me?

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Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 5:40pm
(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry that he is acting this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2010
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 6:47pm
yes, thankfully I do. We've recently gone to a relationship therapist, and got nowhere with it. I think the therapist had a headache once we left, he never offered for us to make another appt with him, i think in his mind, it was too much and i was wasting my time. We have spoke since then, and agreed to see another therapist next week, so only time will tell. Its such a sad situation at any point, but to be pregnant and go through this is unbearable. As long as he can be a good dad, and supportive of his son, thats my wish, cause unfortunally I never did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2010
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 2:28am
I know where you are my friend, atleast you could get your guy into the door of a therapists office, I'm just stuck in the "psycho" category by mine. And half the time I don't know if we're together or not on any given day.
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 2:03pm
Sometimes the first therapist you see isn't the best one, so it's good you are trying another one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 11:55pm

I am not in the exact same shoes as you are. but i am pretty close i felt like i had to end it with my boyfriend when he decided that he was going to stay at his parents house for a month which i cannot go to. we were living at my dads house, my dad and i had a falling out and my bf and i picked up and moved i sent him to his parents house not knowing he was going to be gone for a long period of time. i was going to stay with a friend of mine and she only has room for me. in then end i patched things up with dad and got ready to come home just in time for him to tell me he wasnt coming back until we had our own place. it doesnt make sense to me for him to want to get our own place now when we are about the have a baby in 5 months time, there is no point in us struggling more than we have to. he says i dont see it from his point of view and clearly he doesnt see it from mine, so i told him that i could be alone in this whole thing by myself i didnt need to be alone and still have to worry about him. he could either come home or i was done, i dropped all his stuff off to him today. he had nothing much to say other than i hope in a months time when i have a home you will come with me. but i dont know i feel like this is him looking for a way out and if he is i am going to give it to him, if he misses out on his daughters life then that is his choice not mine. but i cannot stop crying and stressing over what i am going to do when she gets here and i am alone. heck i cant even lay down alone now. Am i wrong? i havent ever felt like i needed someone as much as i feel i need him right now and i feel like he doesnt care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 3:31pm

I know what its like to be in your situation, or at least very similar. It sounds like your bf is selfish and not being caring towards you and your baby. My ex and I have been dating on and off for 13 years and we accidentally got pregnant after a 3 week long fling. We figured we'd try to work things out because of the baby. I'm now 5 months and just caught him cheating on me with a girl who's not even old enough to drink...

Talk about betrayal huh? Its better for you and the baby to not have this stress in your life. Do what's best for you and never forget to trust your gut...it's almost always right.

Keep your head up sunshine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 1:11pm

i think leaving him is th best option. and dont make the mistake of not takin him to court for child support. it has to be about he baby not him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 8:11pm
I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time. I know how you feel and what you're going through because I'm going through with it. The sad part about it is that I was a "Good Girl" that was left with nothing while he has the apartment and the car I bought for him. I ended up on the street for a nite in a park. Let's just say, I got beat up and had my stuff stolen. So take if from me, if it's not worth then just walk away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2010
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 8:46pm

yes i am actually in a very similar situation, and mines name is John too, and we are also both almost 30.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2011
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 10:26pm
Dear you are not obligated. He has mind screwed you to break you down mentally. You are just his babies momma and no longer the object of his affection. Ditch the looser. Stay strong and lean on friends and family. Just be you and kick him to the curb or the child will suffer in the end.

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