its too much to handle sometimes
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|Wed, 06-30-2010 - 5:53pm|
Hi, just signed up :) im 25 and 8 weeks.
SO my story is....i had a boyfriend of a year...it was amazing bliss for 6 months...then somewhere after he tried to control and change my life things got worse between us. we lived together..and were taking things pretty seriously....the first man i ever considered marriage and kids with. well it all came to a bitter end a little over 2 months ago... he actually achieved changing me and breaking me down to where i was jobless, carless, and i was losing my mind. he then left me (after i broke up with him) and stole my things and left me to live with another girl with a whole month of rent to pay for shortly before the 1st of the month, so i eventually lost my apartment as well. i met a guy, right before he moved out (while still broken up) ...who was supposed to be a fling... and it lasted for about 2 weeks before i was over my rebound, and what sent my ex completely over the edge.
it had been a month and i talked to him still but i was just about to blow this new guy off, when... yep, i found out i was pregnant, and it could only be his.
when i told him he was less than supportive. he wanted me to abort the baby. at first i considered the option, because i had nothing, how could i raise a baby? no car no job no place to live and in a terrible state of mind due to a horrible breakup...plus..i barely knew this guy and wasn't even into him anymore!
his lack of interest made me further unattracted to him and i then started to think i dont even want him around ...i can do this on my own. i dont wanna date him, id just like him to "be a father" ...he may or may not even do that. i moved out of state and decided to continue the pregnancy.
i soon got the support of my family, and am blessed to have them helping me get the insurance and all the things i need for my new baby.
im now almost 9 weeks... im excited ..but still get scared often. like im ok now..but in 7 months?...in one year? how will i feel? will he come around? am i going to be able to juggle a job and parenting, when im only 25 and i dont wanna be stuck in a low pay job or welfare forever..i had dreams i was following before this..
and all i can think about is my past, what i had when it was good, the shock of a new life, the loss of all i had, and the fact i am pregnant and single.....
im lonely and i miss having love, and a man...i fear it will be hard to meet someone while pregnant..and then after when im i single mom. but most of all right now im lonely!... i know its not the most important thing, but i cannot go another 7 months without the lust or love of a man, ill go crazy.
i had to vent because i need positive feedback... everyday i cry because one little thing sets me off, and its normally negative or irrelevant ...
i want hope from women who have been though similar things...
or words of advice..