Just needing support:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Just needing support:)
7
Fri, 10-08-2010 - 2:42pm

Hi all :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2010
Sat, 10-09-2010 - 3:27pm

it sounds like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders! I've wondered many times had i just gotten pregnant with a fling if it might be easier but I'm pretty sure any way you look at it being single makes it scary and hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Sat, 10-09-2010 - 5:38pm

Thanks :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Sun, 10-10-2010 - 11:34am

This time last year I was not pregnant. I had a boyfriend in jail who I was waiting for (maybe I deserve a kick in the ass just for that). He was writing me letters every week saying how different and much better things were going to be when he got out. Well, after he got out, we got together one night, then he took off on me. I was with someone else within the next three days. Three weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I decided I wanted to have the baby and take great care of myself to try to help him have a healthy start in life. My life had been a mess and he helped turn everything around for me.

I had no way of getting in contact with my ex-BF but the other potential father was calling me and said he wanted to help if the baby turned out to be his. I had to have him tell my ex-BF I was pregnant because he did see him sometimes, but my ex then claimed he couldn't have kids (which was news to me) and made no effort to contact me. There was no way to find out who was the father at that point, so I decided I wasn't going to drive myself crazy about it. Then the other potential father disappeared, and he's even harder to find. Still, my focus was on taking caring of myself and preparing for the birth of my first child (and likely only-- I'm over 40). I surrounded myself with people who were supportive of my decision and tried to tune out those who weren't. I knew that worrying about who was the baby's father and whether either of them would ever step up was pointless. I came to these boards and got a lot of support, and joined a local group with a lot of other single mothers in it. I didn't feel alone-- I had my baby with me and knew how much love I was going to give him.

He's here now, healthy and beautiful, and I'm enjoying being his mommy more than I even imagined. He's the best thing that ever happened to me and he saved my life. The state I live in requires me to cooperate in trying to find the father in order to pay for his healthcare, so of course I'll help them in any way I can (rather than have my baby go without healthcare), but both potential fathers live in a neighboring state and I have no contact with either. I don't think either would be likely to pay child support even if/when paternity is determined. Someday I'll have to figure out the right words to tell my child when he inevitably asks questions about who his father is, but for today, as during my pregnancy, I am focused on giving him all the love I can and a healthy, stable environment. Stressing about his absent dad wouldn't help things. In the end, having a father in the picture who doesn't really care may be worse for my baby boy than having no father around at all. He has teenage male cousins who are great kids, and I'll make sure he has positive male role models in his life.

Best wishes for a happy, healthy pregnancy. I know you can't tune out these thoughts altogether, but focusing on the positives and the kind of life you want to give your child can help. I'm attaching a couple pics of my pride and joy, two months old today.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Sun, 10-10-2010 - 5:12pm

Karen,

Thank you for your message of support. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Sun, 10-10-2010 - 11:28pm
Jeez, I hadn't realized I was so long-winded in my previous post-- sorry about that.

Anyway, I came to IV a lot, specifically to the Pregnant after 40 board and then the August 2010 Expecting Club (I didn't even know there was a Pregnant and Single board at the time, or I'm sure I would have been here too). And I'm also in the rooms (my baby boy got me back through the doors when I found out I was pregnant), so I got a lot of support there. I can honestly say my baby saved my life-- it could have turned out much different but I was ready for the life-altering change becoming a mother would mean. I have a very good counselor who also helped. And I just savored the happy moments, or shared them with a few very supportive friends. I knew at my age I don't have much time left to become a mom, so focusing on the love I would give my baby and the kind of life I want for him was celebration enough.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2010
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 12:23am

five weeks! so you are just finding out! yeah telling your family about flings would be very uncomfortable for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 1:53pm

Thank you :)