life turned upside down

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2010
life turned upside down
5
Sun, 04-04-2010 - 3:39am

I found out I was pregnant from a guy I was with for about 5 months. I was on BC but not

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Sun, 04-04-2010 - 7:51am
It sounds like you made the right decision to leave..some women wouldnt have the strength to do that so pat urself on the back for that. :).... First of all dont let him stress you out saying he's gonna take the baby from you..he will have a very hard time doing so considering im sure he will not be there for the birth thus not signing the birth certificate.I know here in NY state if a parent even wants any rights at all they must live in NY for at least 6mnths if from another state. The great thing is you stayed calm and didnt say he could never see the baby..you left that door open which is always good. He sounds like he never stepped up to the plate so looking at his past he's all talk so i wouldnt worry too much about the trying to take the baby. That would be too much work for him. he's tryng to get to you and take you off your game. Its probably better that you stopped answering calls and such cuz its only gonna stress you out. Focus on the matter at hand that you need to be the best you can be for the babies health. You sound very strong dont let anyone take that away from you. I know it might be hard with the hormones but you gotta pick yourself up and say "i know who i am , I am a strong beautiful woman" .i know sounds a lil corny but it helps..or even write everything your going through and feeling down..everything like how the relationship started how you felt then and now..and be honest with yourself. You can do this, your doing great!! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2010
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 12:16am
Thank you so much for your reply. It always helps for me to hear from someone else!!! He still texts my mom stuff every day and she will reply just to be nice. He also still posts stuff on his facebook that we will get married and that we are still together which just irritates me but I know I just need to ignore it all. I know he couldn't really take the baby it just bothered me that he said it. No I don't want him here for the birth so I don't plan on telling him when I have it exactly. So what did you mean if he isn't here he doesn't sign the birth certificate? Doesn't his name have to be on it as the father? I am new to all of this so I am clueless haha I am pretty strong and thank you for your kind words! I do tell myself all the time that this baby is so worth it and I can do anything! I just feel lonely being back home far from some of my friends and my friends here don't keep in touch much mostly because they are still young don't have kids and go out a lot I guess. My friends back in California don't text or call much so I guess I just let all of that get to me and bother me. I have also had people I have met that seem to back away when I tell them I am pregnant (mostly guy friends) which I want to be single rightnow so I don't care if they do back away but I guess I just expect people to be different. I have had some people even try to make me feel guilty by asking why I didn't get rid of it when I came home. I just couldn't do that especially because when I found out I was past 6 weeks. I know I am doing the right thing but it hurts to have people be like that. One of my bestfriends back in California also knew everything he did to me but she is the type that wants to have faith in everyone and feels bad for everyone and she kind of implied that if she were him she would want to be here and be around. He tells all my friends when he sees them out how I am his world and he misses me
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 4:29pm
I tell ya all guys will spit n spout all over how they love someone and that they would do anything n blah blah blah..alot of talk...but what you have to look at is the actions not the words which it sounds like you have done a great job doing!! :) If he cared so much instead of calling and texting or writing facebook nonsense he'd send some money or he would of taken care of the responsibilities he promised to, to make your life easier..thats love..thats caring.
I know how you feel that him just saying he'd take the baby would bother you no one wants negative words..we can ignore them all day long that doesnt mean they arent heard. You will not have to worry about filing for full custody because at this point he has no rights. Ive had to do lots of research and calling around to see how i was gonna go about child support but at the same time making sure the father of my child would not have any rights considering he has not been there..he is in another state and same as your guy would call n text and play the woe as me card...but never once asking how the baby is doing. I finally just had to say goodbye. I had to look to the future of how things might go. He could be there one day and then just leave acting a fool leaving not only me hurt but most of all my son so I cant allow that. but back to the rights. A fathers name does not have to be on the certificate..its really your choice. If you do choose to put it on the certificate he still will not be there to sign the paper saying that he himself claims the baby as his. Thus him having no rights. The only way he could have rights is if there is a legal paternity test and he gets a fantastic lawyer..but even then he would have to prove he is fit and most likely the most he could get is visitation. But that is a very long shot... all for the simple fact he is not there. And if at anytime he sends negative texts or post negative things or voicemails..save save save...that way you always have evidence for anything that might arise. (thanks judge judy)
People/ friends who say silly things like you getting rid of the baby...they think of it as a simple thing. They dont know that doing something like that as well would be a traumatic experience. No one can make you feel anything unless you let them...thats something my mom always taught me...even though id always frown and say "whatever" when she said it lol it is true. People in this situation never truly know how one is feeling unless they have been there. No one really knows how strong we are actually being. It hurts I wont lie and as months go on it takes more n more strength. I am a week overdue and all I have is my mother. I have a few friends but no one comes to visit or anything..so yea it hasnt been the greatest but when my son gets here I know that will all soon fade.I always tell myself everything happens for a reason and I was suppose to have this baby. Asking myself what lesson am I suppose to take from this so I can grow?
Dont be too overwhelmed youll go bananers sandwich (mmm sandwich..sorry) ..just take it day by day thats all you can do. But it sounds like your doing great! Things will get better...except for having to pee all the time lol :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2010
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 1:19am

I wish you lived closer haha I need people like you around! I made a sandwhich after reading your reply by the way! haha Well it finally got to where after he told me he would get a lawyer I told him not to talk to me anymore and he hasn't text me at all or called, which I am happy about! He does text my mom still and that is fine as long as he leaves me alone for now. I know you are right about he would have kept up with his responsibilities there if he was doing the right thing. He in his head for some reason thinks he has done nothing wrong. He has tried to turn it around on that I "ran away" and left him with all of it so I can't blame him for not paying the bills. I think that is what bothers me so much is that he can't just admit that he has messed up. I just gave up on even trying to talk because I would get so upset and we were never on the same page. I don't want to put him on the birth certificate. I can just leave it blank right? What bothers me most now is that on his facebook he still puts that we are getting married and stuff like we are still together and I am not there so no one there knows what is really going on they just see and hear his side. He even writes on my friends pages and goes up to them to tell them how much he misses me and its killing him and I am his world and they actually feel bad for him. It hurts because they know everything he did to me. But you are right I can't let it bother me and I am trying my best not to. Most of my friends and people are on my side and even the ones who feel bad for him I know are on my side it is just really hard when I am here alone and they have no idea what it is like for me every day...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 9:11pm
Hey there ! how are ya? yea i wished I lived closer too friends who know the situation and truly understand what your going through are grrrreat! . Sorry I didnt get back sooner I was havin a baby! Lol...
So first Ill tell ya at the hospital they come and give you all the paperwork for the birth certificate. There are 2 different papers I got...one where I can put his info like his addy and ssn stuff like that and one where I put that info and he signs claiming rights. The paper asks if its gonna be a mother/father certificate or Mother/mother. So even if his name was on the certificate he still did not sign. Its very simple paper work and if your not totally sure ask the person who comes to give you the papers and make sure everything is in check before you leave the hospital.
Let the little fool think he is fooling ppl...his life will not be a good one. Yea the father of mine tried to turn it on me as well saying I left him n ran away. Yet the door was always open for him to come with me. The day a guy admits his wrong doings is the day a guy can give birth lol.
Id be lying if I said the alone feeling will pass soon...Its alot to take in everything thats happened, especially prego. Thats why I was glad i found this forum it helped alot. Be prepared the more prego u get the more alone it might feel..but thats natural. But lemme tell you once that baby arrives its like all that crap doesnt matter anymore. I despise the father of my son but once he was here all that hate went away ..theres no rooms for that all i can do is look at my son and think how beautiful he is.
It will get better..just try ur best to keep a positive attitude and if u ever wanna chat ask ny questions u can e-mail me at liquideyezproductions@gmail.com ..i know very long email sorry lol..ps. wut kinda sandwich did u have? :)