pls advice, i messed up terribly!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2010
pls advice, i messed up terribly!!!
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 5:58pm

I know I messed up my life completely and I drag my kids down the hill with me!!! So many times I feel so guilty, but they seem happy either way. I guess they dont mind as much as I do where I have taken us.

I left my drug addict husband of 11 years, last oct. Went from one coast to the other, just trying to be as far away as I could! I wanted a new beginning for my kids and me. A month after being on this coast, I was talking to this guy I knew from back home. I hadnt seen him in 20 yrs. We were getting along good and i started liking him and when he started asking me to move in with him, even though in the beginning I was reluctant to do so, I did!!!

6 months later, Im pregnant and we no longer live together. I left because he started being distant, and texting 24/7. He of course denies that something is going on with someone else. Then he said, it was good that I was going to where I wanted to be to begin with, instead of that boring town where he lives, and that when his legal problems are done, he'll come to be with me, my kids and the baby.

I've been gone for a month now and for the past 4 weeks, we've argued as we never did before. I've been super depressed, some friends tell me is hormonal, I've never been like this before, I'm basically beggin for him to love me. And then I feel horrible for doing so. I know that if I wasnt hormonal, I wouldnt be acting this way. Its pathetic!!!

He keeps telling me he is with me, that he loves me and cares, and he cant wait to have this problems gone so he can move with me to where I am now, I moved 3 and a half hours away. But then he rarely calls me or text me, while I know for a fact he is texting this 2 girls 24/7, he now stays up until after midnight texting. When I was there, we usually went to bed by 10pm because of the long days he has every week. Now he wakes up to txt, all day in between and night. And does he even asks how am I doing??? NOOO of course not. He wont even ask how am I doing? How am I feeling or if the pregnancy is going good, nothing at all!!! yet I feel I need more prove...Im insaneeee!!!!

I finally think I get it! I know when someone wants to really be with somebody, they are there for you, specially since he knows the big depression I've been in. And he use to tell me how he wanted to have kids with me and marry me. I feel like such a fool for believing him!!! What happened to me?!! Why did i do this to myself, my kids?

I cant sleep anymore, I dont want to eat, I cry all the time, it doesnt matter where I am, my daughter is worried I'm always crying. My son came back after I told him I moved and got my own apartment. He told me to him, this guy is just like my ex to be. I think today i saw that. I lend him too much money and now that I needed he isnt paying it back because he doesnt have it! but its the way he answered that reminded me of my ex. agh!!!

I knew what kind of guy he was from the beginning and thats why i was hesitant, but somehow I thought he wouldnt do this to me! Why was I so stupid to think this?!! I feel he used me!!! and I let him!

But then, I wonder if I'm making things bigger because of my hormones being upside down and my depression isnt helping me either.

My family doesnt know I'm pregnant or that I was with some guy all this months. They are too judgemental and I dont need their recrimination when Im already not feeling good about myself. I want to move on, I think is what I have to do, but I want to tell him how I feel at the same time, but I think it isnt going to make a difference. He probably wont even care.

Im still paying for his cellphone bill!!! and I need the money!! whats wrong with me!!!

Please help! I need advice because I cant see the obvious!!! thanks a lot...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 2:26pm

Hi, there-

I think you will find some good support here from women who have been through similar experiences.


reena050809.jpg 0809 picture by reena102

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2010
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 11:24pm

thanks for the reply!

i dont have a dr yet bc i had to apply for goverment help and im waiting to find out if i got it. i've been looking for a job and the dad of my baby wont help at all and my grown kids dad wont help either. im out of money and today i found out the limit on my credit card was cut down, i cannot use it anymore!

What i want the most is to go to see a counselor but I cant yet!

thanks for the website, i didnt know about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 12:02am
u cant beat urself up over this! so what if all that happpened.. f*ck this guy if he wants no part.. its all about u and these kids right now.. u have to stop crying over this man.. hes over there living his life and ur crying ur days away..u dont need him.. u have friends for support .. the state can help u financially too ..and ur kids dont wanna see there mommy hurt.. they love u and need u to be strong.. u wanna have a healthy baby too.. im tired of having these men make me sad and cry .. arent u ?? time to live ur life for u and urs now.. everything will be ok..
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2008
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 7:32pm

I completely agree with the previous post. I'm so tired of these guys making us feel bad and making our lives miserable. You deserve better and so do your children. F*** him for putting you through this. There is no excuse for him to be texting other girls or not being with you. I know how the hormones make you do crazy things. We have all been there and have all made mistakes that maybe we wish we could take back. The important thing is to try to learn from your mistakes even though it's really hard some days!!! Look into talking to someone, do fun things with your kids, get aide from state agencies and tell him to take a hike. A happy mom equals happy kids. You should be with a guy who makes you smile, laugh and feel like the best thing thats ever happened to him and nothing less than that. Until he comes along try to concentrate on things that make you and your kids happy.

I'll be thinking of you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 10:38pm

Hi there,

Take a deep breath, don't be too hard on yourself at the time like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2010
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 1:49am

OMG!!! im soo in shock right now!! thanks a lot everybody for your post, they were so very helpful to me today! but i just saw a video one of this women sent him, she is masturbating with a dldo and she also sent him a pic of her naked!!! I guess I cannot ask for more proof than this!!!

Im done crying! I knew he didnt deserved me, I knew every tear was in vain, but after seeing this!!! OMG!!! Im finally walking away! i got my prayers answered for sure!!!

Im disgusted, shaking, in extra shock, and my heart is racing so fast but I finally can act on what I was afraid to do all along!!



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 11:35am

glad to hear you are feeling better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2010
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 12:33am

Hopefully things have been ironed out for you by now, but if not, here are my thoughts on reading your post: