Pregnant and don't know what to do!
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|Sat, 08-04-2012 - 2:02am|
Let me just start by saying that I am so glad I found this forum!!
If anyone can give me some advice I would REALLY appreciate it!
Here we go... I am 20, living in scotland and I have just found out that I am pregnant! I'm so scared! It was a STUPID one night stand. I have no contact with the father and only know that he too lives in the same city as me. I can't even stomach the idea of abortion! It's just not for me. I'm aware that for some people it is the right choice but for me? I just couldn't live with myself.
I live in a flat with three others (my two closest friends and one other quite close friend) and have told them. They have said that they will support me what ever my decision might be. One of them is even excited! I just can't help feeling terrified! I have always said that I wasn't really interested in having children more because of my upbringing than anything else.
My dad passed on, on my third birthday and i recently lost my big brother too. I have not got a very good relationship with my mother and haven't told her yet. I have two younger sisters and my mum has recently re-married. I moved out of my mother's when I was just 16 and have fought my way through. I moved out because me and my step father do not get on and I was sick of being phisically pushed about by him. My younger siblings are his children and have never had any bother, my mother has stuck by him through it all and to be perfectly honest it's just not a healthy environment. So I moved out to try and save what little relationship I might have with my mum but it's never really got any better.
Then I started dating and given my track record with men followed the familiar path (not knowing how to trust men properly and expecting the physical 'abuse') and ended up in a really bad relationship. So now I'm single and have been for a year or so and just had that one silly night!
So now I'm pregnant and kind of at a loss. How will I support myself properly (finacially?). How can I work and look after my child adequately? I grew up watching my mother struggle and watching her date and get hurt. I went from babysitter to babysitter and don't want that for my own child. I want to give my baby the best I possibly can but can't help thinking that I'll end up hurting him/her as much as I have been?!
I really want to be a good mother, I want the best for him/her as I'm sure every expectant mother does! The thing is, is that I can't see a way of being able to support us.
The other devistating idea is that my baby will grow up without a father figure. I can't see anyone wanting to date a single mother (no offence to anyone I'm sure there are lovely guys out there). And I know from personal experience how hard it can be not knowing your father. My mother won't utter a word about him and says my stubborness on the matter reminds me of him. I have two pictures and that is it! I just don't want that for my child! How do I did this deep dark, encomassing tunnel into the light?
ANYONE who has been through this or something similar PLEASE give me some words of wisdom?