Pregnant, the father wont be here for me. Im terrified and sad I need some advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2012
Pregnant, the father wont be here for me. Im terrified and sad I need some advice.
2
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 4:24pm

The father of my child and I dated for 2 years. Were both in the military and I moved 9 hours away from him 6 months ago during a hard time in our relationship. He had no trust in me and we were on the rocks. We both made mistakes throughout and ultimatley 5 weeks ago everything ended. He no longer wanted to work things out and has since been seeing someone else.

Last December I got pregnant and we were happy, or so I thought. We were excited and then I had a miscarriage. Him being 9 hours away he only got to see pictures of our baby and then drove down to me once i lost it. 4 weeks later he left me for the last time. Come to find out 3 after we split I was pregnant again. I was scared to tell him but I did and his reply was "How convienient". He told me he didnt believe i was pregnant with the last one that i made it all up. Now ive had to prove in so many different way that this is real once again. On top of that he is emotionless to me. After 2 years 2 deployments and 2 babies he treats me like Im just an incubator. He made it clear he never wants to be with me and doesnt want to try to make thigns work. And when we get on the "US" topic he shuts down. Tells me he cant trust anything i say. But im a wreck, Im alone and all i want is his support through all this. I want to make our relationship work, I love him with every ounce of my soul but he kicks me down and pushes me away at every chance he gets. he says by my mistakes in our relationship i changed him hes not the same person anymore.

So its been 4 weeks since i found out i was pregnant. Since then its been a battle field. He threatened with custody already. Ive been an emotional wreck depressed not able to eat or be productive at work. So i made some decisions for my health and my baby. He decided that supporting me and being there for me is not important to him so I decided to try and remove him from my life just for the time being so i can have a healthy pregnancy. He has all the time in the world to move on from me but i get no peace. As terrible as he has been to me i was not mentally ok with him coming to the 8 week ultrasound. (Just a side note**He has no seen me in 3 months or since i found out i was expecting) But i sent him the picture.

Hes the sperm donor yes, but when do i get the support I need when will he actually step up and be there for me because I am the baby right now we are one and I need to be cared for even just a little. He wants to come and go as he pleases while im miserable trying to deal with a hard breakup, him with someone else and carrying his child. Its overwhelming. I considered not having the baby. he says he will always love me, i was his first love. But we will not be together. And its kills me everyday. Could someone help ease my heart give me some advice on moving on or should I hold on to hope that one day he may step up for me and realize how amazing everything can be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2012
I'm so sorry you are feeling alone and scared right now. I can understand that this is a really difficult time in your life, and I can imagine how much you are hurting after your breakup. I'm praying for you! There aren't really any easy answers here, but if you think it would be helpful to talk with a caring person you may want to call the counselors at Focus on the Family. I work with this nonprofit organization, and they will speak with you over the phone for free. Here is the link to their site, hope this helps - http://bit.ly/Hw0eb8 May God bless you and your precious baby.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012

Jade,

I'm sorry you have so much on our shoulders.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2012
Hi, I'm 8 months pregnant and experiencing alot of what you're going through since day 1. It is true there is no set way of handling these things, but I offered my account of my pregnancy in a full post- http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Pregnant-Single-Intros-Chat/8-months-pregnant-amp-single-my-story-and-how-I-ve-coped/m-p/119231115/message-uid/119231115#U119231115

It gets lengthy but near the end, I tell of some ways that I've coped and offer some words of kindness that I hope would help anyone going through anything near what I've been through. I hope you find some comfort in it, and remember, don't be hard on yourself! Were beautiful machines of creation!