prego-guy says I'm destroying his life

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
prego-guy says I'm destroying his life
9
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 4:23pm

I'm 35 and 13 weeks pregnant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 12:15am

First and most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS! :) And a boy? That's wonderful!


This is a great thing, even if it doesn't feel like it. When I was pregnant, I told grocery store cashiers before my friends and family


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2010
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 1:52am

Hey Carina 7769,


I think that the answer is right there for you, this guy is basically telling you that he doesn't want tohave no dealings with the child. I would just move on you have made the choice to go ahead with the pregnacy, but I will tell you this just because he is telling you that he doesn't want to have any thing to do with the child does'nt mean that he is not finacially. He laid down with you unprotected knowing that it was a possibility that you could get pregnant so he is responsable for this child just as well as you. But if you dont need help finacially just go about your way. But you still have to answer to your child when she or he is older. And on that note we all want to protect our children, but I think honest is the best answer. They may take it hard, but let them know that beautiful and loved you. No child

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 12:49pm

Dear Carina,


This sounds so much like what I am going through. I am 42, I also thought I could not get pregnant. My boyfriend, who has always been nothing but kind and sweet, totally flipped out. He has called me and emailed me begging me to get an abortion. He is 43 and has three grown kids.


I told him from the start that I would not terminate the pregnancy. He broke up with me via email 2 days after I told him. He also asked me to sign papers stating I do not hold him financially responsible.


This is so tough, to be pregnant at this age (I have no kids) and also to lose the "love" of my boyfriend. I can't help but also be excited, though. And I hope you are, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 5:41pm
LOL!!! I know what ur feelling....I have the samething happening to me....Keep it ur 35yrs old.. ..FORGET what he wants....WHAT DO YOU WANT?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 1:23am

I am in the same boat. 38, single and pregnant. My boyfriend (of only 5 months) told me over and over that he wanted to get me pregnant and have a baby with me. OVER and OVER!!! We dated for three months before having sex.

I picked him because he wanted to have a baby with me so bad. I want kids and went through a bout of infertility a few years ago. So us getting pregnant within the first two weeks of having sex was a shock, but completely welcomed.....on my end. A soon as he found out....he flipped his switch! The script completely changed and he tried to break up with me. Then he begged me to have an abortion telling me that this will ruin his life. He cried about all of his struggles in life and how he has no money. He even tried to instill fear in me about the health of the baby saying that there is a real risk that something will be wrong with the baby. Can you believe this jerk?

I finally told him that I don't want him involved AT ALL! I told him to get an attorney to draw up an agreement to release him from his parental rights and that I want to be completely separated from him.

What is it with these men thinking that this is all about them??? We are the ones making the sacrifices. It's our lives that are going to change the most. Where's the support??? The compassion??? Where are the REAL men who know how to cherish a woman and her feelings????

WTF?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2009
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 1:21am
Oh sweetheart! Please believe me when I tell you, I have literally been there, on that roller coaster. Wondering which guy i was gunna get on any given day. I finally told him that I wanted him out of my life and did the same thing...texting just horrible things to him. It was so hard at first not to text or call or anything but I had to stay strong and after a while it got easier. I have not spoken to him since the end of january. He hasnt tried to contact me which kinda hurts because it makes me feel like he doesnt care but I know its for the best that he is out of my life. I am just over 6 months pregnant and I couldnt be happier. Just think positivly. My best friend says that Im lucky becuase i dont have to deal with someone elses parenting ideas. It all up to me. and it will be all up to you. You and your beautiful baby. Stay strong and Im happy to hear that you did not have an abortion and once you feel that baby inside you you will realize how unimportant all the BS is and how all that matters is your baby.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2010
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 11:34am

Hi Carina,

Let me start by saying I don’t have anything negative to say to you (cause I myself have gotten feedback on another forum on here ‘ask the relationship saver’ that has left me in tears and we don't need that).

Before I begin - let me just tell you that we have at least a little bit in common. I just turned 37, am seven weeks pregnant and uncertain of where the dad fits into my life. The difference in my case is that he wants a relationship I just don’t feel the same for him. I feel so much guilt about that and am hoping against hope that my hormones are playing havoc and I will feel differently once they settle down. I am also feeling worried and embarrassed about what people will think when they find out. I haven’t known the dad for very long. This is the last thing that anyone would ever expect to happen to me. But it wasn’t entirely accidental. I was 36 years old. I wanted to be a mom and time was not on my side. But enough about me.

Now - first of all - CONGRATULATIONS on pending motherhood. You need to focus on that a little bit because you may feel and hear a lot of negativity right now but the bottom line is that this a good thing - a miracle. It will change your life forever. I think you will always be happy you made the choice you made. This man you were seeing does not sound very genuine and perhaps you are lucky to find that out now rather than later (I have known men like this and know how easy it is to get swept away and blindsided). But guess what? In the end you get the prize - a perfect little person who will be a part of your life forever. Make sure you find time to be happy and excited about that because it’s important.

Your guy sounds extremely manipulative and selfish. It’s a bit scary really. I think you should be really really proud of yourself that you made a tough decision that was right for you, despite the pressure from him. I am all for honesty but there is something to be said for self-preservation too. Maybe you would be better off if he did think there was no baby and you could go ahead and make a life for you and the child without his interference. But I am sure many would disagree with that. But the bottom line is that you have enough going on right now without his drama and crocodile tears.

In any case, the role this man chooses to have or the role you allow him to have will become clear over time. For now, try to focus on you and baby and on all the good.

I hope you find people in your life who can be supportive and respectful and happy for you. There is much cause for celebration here. Are there any women’s groups or other support groups in your area??? I just joined a meditation group a few months ago which I find excellent (and they don’t know about my situation yet but I know they will be supportive when I tell them). What about a pre-natal yoga group? If not, I guess you will have to celebrate with us and find the support you need here. It's important to have that support.

Finally - a girl on one of these boards (this one I think) - I think her name was Allison, recommended a couple of books to me that you might like, ‘Rattled’ , ‘Misconception’ and ‘Accidentally On Purpose’ (I just ordered the last one which I think sounds like a great read - actually I think they all sound good).

And one more thing - if you haven’t done so already - check out the ‘Over 35 and Pregnant’ group on here. There are some wonderfully supportive people on there as well.

Keep your chin up. You can totally do this!! Next year this time we will be swapping stories on here about my four month old and your six month old. How exciting is that!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 1:22am
I would just like to sincerely say thank you to all of the wonderful support and replies I have received from
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2010
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 1:31am

Wow.