Single and Pregnant at 29--Not sure What to Do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Single and Pregnant at 29--Not sure What to Do.
8
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 9:00pm

I am 29 and single. My boyfriend and I broke up about two months ago and two weeks after that we had a...grand finale. I even took the morning after pill but it didn't work. Now I just found out I am pregnant, about five weeks and I don't know what to do. I'm so scared I can barely think. I'm so afraid I can't afford this, that I am dooming myself to a lonely life. My family will be so furious with me, they'll try to talk me out of it and they're far away anyway, so they won't even be able to help me.

The father is much older (he's 58)...and not even divorced, yet. He's been separated for awhile. He wants me to keep the baby, but he already has kids and I think he sees this as his last chance. I don't know what to do. Can I afford this? Am I dooming myself and my child to a life of food stamps? Will any man ever want me or will they think I am ruined.

I'm so scared, I can't decide what to do and I'm all alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Hugs to you sweetie! Its hard finding out you're pregnant especially when you aren't together anymore. I understand the age difference (My late husband was almost 32 yrs older than me) and the possible last chance idea.

You won't have a life of loneliness unless you want it. There are many woman who have kids and end up finding the right guy later on. I know many of these women myself and hoping to be one of them too! You can date while pregnant too if you chose.. I've been on several dates since I've been single.

As far as affording it. I obviously don't know your personal financial status but I can tell you that you can afford it and not be set for a life of foodstamps/welfare. Yes they are there and if you need them use them (if you choose to parent this child). There are a lot of things in life that are luxuries not necessities such as cable, sodas, newest clothes, new technologies, fancy cell phones, etc. Cutting back on those things can help save money too. Also there are assistance out there to help single moms get forward in careers. There are scholarships, foundations, etc. I know one foundation that helps single moms/military widows go back to school for a nursing education.

Right now just break it down into things. Do you want to keep the baby? Put it for adoption? Parent? Next, look at your finances. Where can you cut down. What don't you need daily? Baby stuff can be pricey, but a lot you can buy used if you need and still get NICE stuff! Craigslist, ebay, garage sales, consignment stores, etc. If you decide to parent you can spread the costs out too and sounds like maybe he'll help pay for some stuff too. Just concentrate on one thing at a time. Make a list of what needs done now, what in a few months, then what can wait. It won't be as much.

Just know you aren't completely alone, and all of us here can relate. Post away, vent, etc. HUGS!

BTW I'm Katie, 27, and pregnant with my first bio child. Baby daddy left when I was 6 weeks and hasn't helped at all during this pregnancy. I am also a widow who has two grown stepsons (ages 31 and 27) and a 6 year old grandson.

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011

Hi Katie,

Thank you for your kind words. I know this is doable, it's just such a hard decision to make. I feel like I'm dreaming. Do you know of any books for women who are pregnant and single? I'm just really weighing my options right now, and truth is, if money were no object the decision would be a lot easier. But all I've found, by way of books, is one on Amazon that seems to take a very religious twist, which isn't for me.

If you know of anything, please let me know.

Best,

Leila

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 12:18am
Hi Leila, welcome to the board! I just wanted to offer up some (((HUGS))) since Katie has already given you some great advice. We'll be here for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
It is a hard decision Leila, but no matter your choice it will be the right one for you. The best book I found about being a single pregnant mom (as you have seen not much out there if you aren't religious or married!) is called the Single Woman's Guide to a Happy Pregnancy. Its not religious, doesn't tell you to go date and get married ASAP, etc. It was an easy read too and full of a lot of good info and made me feel like I could do this. Here's a link to it on Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Single-Womans-Guide-Happy-Pregnancy/dp/1451502737/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1301898893&sr=8-1

If you are looking for another type of book let me know and I'll try to find another. I ordered two end of last year and the other was a waste of money! LOL I wish there was more out there for us!

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the support! I feel like this is really going to help, it has already.

Leila

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011

This is really helpful. I am going to get it right away. I've also written down my biggest fears and for some reason that really helped. Telling my family was at the top of the list. But they will come to understand.

Thank you for the book reccomendation, I will let you know how it goes.

Leila

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 11:22pm
You're welcome! I think the family is a big step in this and hope it goes well for you!

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 10:36pm
Just so you know, I know how you feel! And I feel less alone after reading your post...I am 27 and I found out I was pregnant with my ex's child a few weeks ago. We broke up, I moved out, but we continued to see each other because of our 15 month old and because of all the stress of the break up and moving I had forgotten to take my pill a couple of times.....so pretty much the timing of this baby is horrible. On top of that he does not even want me to keep it and pretty much has told me he hates me because I want to. We decided it was best for us if I stayed at home with our daughter so I am pretty much not working except for side jobs here and there. My ex is not giving me any money and he doesnt believe that the baby is even his, although I havent been with anyone else. I am at the point where I have to do what is right for me and my children and doing it alone is the only option right now. Thankfully I have the support of my close friends and family but I do feel embarressed to tell anyone outside my close circle. I feel like a huge idiot and part of me just wishes this nine months would just go by over night. I do feel like this child inside me is meant to be there though and I guess that is the question you have to ask yourself. I wish you so so so much luck and feel free to talk to me anytime.