Single mother and pregnant....in need of advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2012
Single mother and pregnant....in need of advice
1
Mon, 05-21-2012 - 10:47am
I have read lots of postings before deciding to share mine...I hope some of you can offer me some advice.

I was divorced when I was 25 from an abusive man. We had two children whom we now share custody. Since my divorce, I never dated anyone. Just worked, went out with friends and struggled to keep my head above water. At 29, I started dating a guy I worked with. In may was when we started dating. We had lots of fun together and I fell completely in love with him. I FELL in love. In september, we was telling me things like he would want to marry me, and he loved me, and by October he was saying that it would be a nice Christmas gift if we got pregnant. Well I became pregnant...by the end of October, I was already almost 6 weeks pregnant. He was happy at first, but then EVERYTHING changed.

I won't lie and say that I didn't panic and worry constantly....I'm 30 years old with two children already, and the thought of having a third child by myself is scary. So I would worry and cry and talk about the fears I had. He pulled away. He said I was smothering him. He started doing things behind my back. Talking to other woman. By the end of January, we stopped having sex. I am now 35 weeks pregnant and he still hasn't touched me. Almost every other week we stop talking for a few days. My dr took me off work over a week ago because he said the stress was hurting me and the baby. I've only gained 16 lbs. since I started the pregnancy and he said she's not getting very big. So ive been a little better since resting at home. I miss him. But im very angry. I'm angry that he can run away but then say he loves me and wants to be with me. He doesn't want to live with me, he doesn't want to live with the baby. But I don't understand why he continues to say he loves me and wants to be with me when he has someone else. It scares me because I don't know what's going to happen and I'm afraid if I let him be involved, it's only at his conveinance. So if that's the way he wants it, then he should work for it. I don't get to pick and choose which days I want to be a parent. I feel so lonely and lied to. Please, any advice on how to walk away from him and his lies....on finding strength...anything will help. Thank you. Shes due next month and I'm a complete basket case over all of this. My heart is broken.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2012
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 7:52pm
I have do much time on my hands now and it seems like I can't do anything but think about my baby girls father. Part of me really wants him to ride in on a white horse and declare his love for me....listen to to me, I'm a 30 year old divorced single pregnant mother wishing for fairy tales. Lol, and I'm getting so anxious for the impending birth and I really have to keep myself from calling him or texting him. It's a two way street, and I just keep thinking of how things have been between us. Not good at all. It was all a sham. A charade. He had me fooled. But he hasn't been genuine with anything. But right now I'm torn. Do I let his family be involved? In California, he has to sign a declaration of paternity in order for me to put him on the birth certificate. But his family is HIS FAMILY. They will always be on his side. I really don't know WHAT to do. I really want to be loved by him. I really wish he'd come around. I wish I was worth something to him. But I know that it would be the same. Nothing would change. Thanks for listening.