single, pregnant and scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2011
single, pregnant and scared
5
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 1:09am
I'm 33 and have 2 kids, 8 and 12, and am now 16 weekks pregnant. I accidently got pregnant when I was 20, married the dad and got divorced 8 years later. I've been in a rocky relationship w/ my current/ex/who knows what he is boyfriend for four years. We had broken up when I found out I was pregnant. He thinks I did it on purpose and wanted me to have an abortion, but I didnt and couldn't. So, he accepted that and we tried to make the best of it. He said the baby is more important than us so we shouldnt worry about us. I would only see him a couple times per week and he was always upset. He didn't want me to tell anyone and I finally did, so now he's upset about that. I wanted to make a concerted effort to get over our past and be happy. We both love each other. But everytime we see each other, its another discussion about the past and everything that went wrong. I know from experience that u shouldn't be w/ someone just b/c ur pregnant. I know this baby will be wonderful. I have two great kids to prove it. But I wanted the second time around to be w/ someone that loved me and was happy to see me and its actually worse than the first time. I can't believe I made the same mistake twice. I hate that i'm alone (I told the dad to go but I was alone anyway). I haven't told my family. I want someone to kiss my belly w/ love b/c they're so excited about their child and instead the dad avoids looking at me and only talks about everything wrong between us. I know I can do this but im so sad and scared and just want to be happy. Did I do the right thing by telling him to go? I love him but he doesn't want to be a dad to my other two kids, much less his own but he would, even if it was from across town. But he can't forgive anything and is just filled w/ negativity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 4:36am
HUGE hugs! I think you did the best given your situation. You don't need someone there that doesn't want to be, even though hard. This is my first pregnancy and I wish I had the gushing over me, kissing the belly, etc. But I don't. You don't need the extra negativity and doesn't sound like you or your children (all 3) need that around either. I think having him across town might be your best option in this case and try to focus on the positives. Maybe he'll come around, maybe he won't but you didn't make a mistake. Things happen.

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 4:30pm

Congrats on your pg!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2011
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 6:33pm
I feel great physically. I have very easy pregnancies (knock on wood). Thx for the encouragement. I know my kids will be thrilled but very confused why my boyfriend is gone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2011
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 11:37am
So, I took a quad screen test, which came back positive for a chance of downs syndrome. This just means that I have a 90% chance of having a higher risk for a baby w/ downs syndrome. Even w/ the risk, I still have like a 90% chance of a normal baby. However, its still very stressful. I have to get amnio to find out if the baby is healthy, so wait and wonder. I told the dad, who was the one that wanted the test, and he just made me realize how alone I am in this. I told a couple friends, but all I get is ds isn't that bad and you'd keep it, right? I really don't know. I have 2 other kids that are wonderdul and already here and should I keep it knowing the impact it would have on them? could I handle the increased responsility by myself? Would I want to keep it? These are things u discuss w/ the dad, but he just took a couple xanax and said "get the amnio and let me know. U know what i'd want (an abortion)". I feel like im going to blow up w/ all the stress and worry and sadness and know its not healthy, but what do I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2011
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 3:12am
I had that screeing down when I was pregnant with my first. It came back possitive aswell but if they are off on ur date even by alil bit it comes back poss. I sware it was the hardest couple weeks of my life and I was not down for an amnio cuz there's all this risk involved a couple of 3d ultrasound showed that my daughter was just fine. Yes it is really stressful but I bet ur babies just fine on the plus side they give u an ultra sound once a month and they are so clear and detailed its really amazing. My daughters now tow and I'm pregnant with my second an opted no this time around on the screening. Hope it works out for u and. Either way this is ur baby... ur gift. You'll love ur baby no matter what!