what last name should I use?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2009
what last name should I use?
6
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 8:45pm
Hi everyone. I have a baby boy due in August. The father is my ex fiance who has chosen not to be a part of the pregnancy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2010
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 11:33pm

Im having the same dilema with my baby. He is due in sept and the father just left, claiming he loves me and my baby, and that he wants to be with me too. But he wont call, he wont asked how am I doing, how am I feeling, how is the baby.
After a month of this, I finally see that I need to move on. Its been hard bc I still love him. He knows I need the money bc im on welfare, and no income bc i cant find a job, yet he wont even help with 20$
On top of all, he has legal problems, and I finally am starting to see how Im better off, its just difficult bc it is very painful. I also loaned him some money, when I knew I needed it. I simply messed up in every possible way!
I also have my ex husbands last name, I didnt change mine bc it was just easier. I was thinking today about my baby, to name him with my exs name but I also feel it wouldnt be right. The grandparents are also very excited about the baby. And of course that he could continue with the family name!!!
But the whole situation with the dad makes me not want to haave him in the birth certificate either.

What I finally thought to do, is wait for my baby to be here and then hopefully I'll know. Maybe im being hopeful that the dad would turn around and be better and I know we are better off. The main problem here, i still love him.

I hope someone gives you a good answer to this, im sorry i wasnt able to help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2009
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 1:13pm

sounds like our situations are pretty similar. My baby's father was the same way at first....talking about how involved he wanted to be but talk is the cheapest thing there is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 12:18pm

Hi,


thank you for sharing your story, many of us are learing from you and also have the same dilema as yours.


Of course, no one no the answer more than you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 11:55pm

Just so you know, my daughters father is on the birth certificate, however since he is in and out of our lives I gave her my last name. I am pregnant again with the same father and I am going to give this baby my last name also. I chose to do that because he never sticks around for too long at a time. He is court ordered to pay child support but of course doesn't. He has done jail time also for it but obviously that doesn't make a difference to him. He hasn't pressed for custody and I feel that if he really cared about her and loved her enough he would do that.


My sister was in an abusive situation and she gave her babies his last name. He took the kids from her and she was living back with my parents at the time. She tried to get the kids back from him but the police told her that since they had his last name there was nothing she could do about it. I didn't want to be in the same situation because my daughters father would try to use her and the baby as leverage to get to me, and I wasnt about to let that happen.


Whatever you choose that is up to you. I'm not saying he's happy about it because to this day he's pissed that his daughter has my last name. But has it changed the way he lives his life??? Nope! He still only see's her when he feels like it and chooses to see his nephews every day of their lives but not his own kid (s). He doesn't deserve to give his name to any children, and I did tell him that if we ended up getting married sometime in the future I would change it, but I'm not going to just so he doesnt have to pay child support, thats bologna!!


Good luck to you and your situation. Just remember to ALWAYS put yourself and your childrens safety first, and if you feel that he won't be a fulltime father and doesn't want to take the responsibility it is NOT your obligation to put his last name on there!! It is your choice, you went through the pregnancy and labor and are living the life as a mother, you make the decisions, not HIM! Good luck!! Hope this helps give you some info!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2008
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 12:12am

I think it's a good idea for you and your son to have the same last name. My sister is divorced from her ex-husband and kept his name because it was her name too. If you're really opposed to that, change your name to some version of your maiden name and give your son that name as well. I know it sounds like a lot of work but I think both you and your son will appreciate having a "family" name.


Best of luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2010
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 7:12pm

For several reasons, I couldn't help but respond to your post.