wishing for a daddy not a sperm donor...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2011
wishing for a daddy not a sperm donor...
7
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 11:07pm
I'm Lav a 24 yr old pregnant with her second. Same dad he's 31 and an alcoholic party boy. We met in a bar and have always been the party couple. But when I was 22 I had our first little girl and my party life ended there but his didn't. I was the provider the one who worked as he stayed home with the boo. Since I was a working mommy all I wanted to do when I got home was to spend time with my family. Unfortunatly I came second to his frieinds and drinking. It became and everyday thing id come home from work to a house full of boys, beer cans, bottles and my two year old daughter. Once again we slipped and got pregnant I am about 8 months now. After the holidays where he went to parties with my car and wouldn't come home till 2 am I finally packed our bags (me & two yr olds) and moved back with my parents new years day. I keep thinking hell get the hint miss us and want to change. The new babies gunna be here in about a month and his behavior hasn't changed. I'm so lonely and feeling completly worthless. I seriously look at my cell about a hundred times a day waiting for a call or text from him and there's nothing. It hurts so bad and I wish I could just get the hint. Everyone keeps telling me hell never be the man I need him to bee and to move on but its not that easy. I want my baby girls to have a daddy not a sperm donor!!! Need advice please help!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 5:25am
HUGS! You aren't worthless by any means. Its his loss for sure! Sorry he hasn't matured at all. My baby's dad left 2 weeks after finding out, and the main reason is my skin color! :-( Its not fair to the kiddos or us. But take time for you and you will find a man that will accept you and your two kids and love them like they were theirs. Its hard cutting someone out of our lives like that, and can hope they be fathers.. And maybe he will one day.

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 6:19am

Hey, i've just become a single mum too, my babys due on 15th Feb, she is my first and I cant wait. Me and my man hadnt been together too long b4 she came as a surprise, he promised to be supportive but over the 9 months ive realised what a horrible man he is. He's caused so much stress & upset, he speaks 2 me like dirt, he stole from me last week and went to a club & got arrested now has court 5 days before our babys due. I rang him last night and low and behold he was in a club with the usual lines of "You said it was over anyway". He is 31 years old but acts like a teenager...so sad. Anyway ive decided to finally end it but im nervous about the birth and being a mum for the first time. My mums like my best friend and jut joined this site today for a bit of support through this and 2 help any others in simular situations as me. Hope ur pregnancy is going well and would be good 2 hear from u. x

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2011
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 7:50pm
My pregnancy is going well when it comes to my bean. Its just the stae of depression and case of the crazies I can't get around. I'm just so overwhelmed on planning for my future. To plan with the father or really just move on. He really isn't a very good support system and doesn't get why I'm such an emotional wreck. I know I can make him change but id love him to understand how lonely I feel. Its so different for guys they don't have to quit drinking or give up their friends to be a family, and we mommies will do all that at the first sign of the possitive on that lil pee stick. I have changed so much for the better for my babies u wouldn't even know I use to be a full time bar rat. Now full time mommy. I love my friends and going out but like evry few months for special events not cuz its the weekend or a wed like their daddy. I feel like I always come last in his day. And the only time we had together was when we would be in bed and sleeping.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2011
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 7:57pm
I honestly don't know if I'm better off alone or just try harder but its been 3 years and now another pregnancy feeling alone. I don't wanna be one of those but I don't wanna give him up cuz what if he meets someone else and I'm left as a single mom with two lil boos who need a dad. I always think he's with someone else cuz since I've moved out it so hard to communicate with him. Somedays he won't answer my calls or msgs. It makes me feel like he just gave up on trying to make things work. Like I'm not worth the fight. I keep praying hell just show up and be a changed man finally marry me and grow up. Is this just a sick dream has anyone ever been here before is it a lost cause or is there a chance?! I'm so lost :-(
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 4:34pm
It's so important to be a good role model for daughters. I'm sure you wouldn't want her to put up with that kind of behavior from a man, even if he is the father of her children, so you shouldn't either. his behavior clearly says that he is not ready or willing to be the stand-up father he should be and you, your daughter and the new baby on the way deserve. I wish you the best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2011
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 5:22pm
Wow I think we are living a parallel life. The only difference is this will be our first child. His supposed second. He apparently has a ten year old son who he doesn't see and rarely even spoke of. I am only 2 months pregnant and don't know what do anymore. He's exactly what u described about the father of your children. He knows full well I am pregnant and wanted this. Then just last wed he stole my credit card took $700 and has not spoken to me since then. I also have the lovely thought he put in my head of him being with 3 girls in my bed. I don't know whether that is true. Most likely is. I do know I am angry, hurt and feel so betrayed. I feel like he has betrayed not only me but this unborn child. I work hard, I try to be a good person and then this garbage happens. I'm finding it so hard to be excited about this pregnancy now. I know he's a liar and no good and like u I still hope he'll realize what he's going to lose. Why is it that some people can do such terrible things and still go on with their lives like nothing happened? I know if I was him I'd be ridden with guilt. Ughh. So frustrating. I hope for your sake and the sake of your kids he gets the message that its time to grow up. I'll cross my fingers for you and you do the same for me. I've run out of hope for him now. Now I just feel foolish.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2011
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 10:23pm
Its really crazy how men can do what they do and be so selfish but it really just is what it is. I've been trying all I can possible do to get him back in our lives but he really just doesn't want to be. Don't feel discuraged about ur pregnancy yeah ull have those days like how could he but girl when u feel that baby move inside of u it will blow ur mind. I can be crying my eyes out or so hurt that he won't answer my call buut when this little girl gives me a kick I remember its now about us. Not him, me and my baby. I am love lost and yes it would be great if he made a move to do nething to be with us but if he doesn't the world isn't over there's always tomorrow, another day down and another day just a tiny bit stronger. My babies dad is already talking to another women he lied about her but I found out the truth my babies due in two wks and he's doing him so its time for me to do me. Be a strong confident mommy for my girls. If a man treated my little girls this way id kill him so why is it ok for me to let this guy do this to me? It maybe easier one day then the other but we will have our happy endings with or with out them. You can't get a rainbow without first putting up with the rain. I will definatly keep my fingers crossed for u girl but its for u to be happy to be strong us preggos need more faith in ourselves not the man who's not worth it!